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When the bus stops, get in my fucking truck. I breathed out a bitter laugh. Aw, someone’s lost his temper. Why? I asked. The next thing I know, the bus stopped, he yanked the earbuds out of my ears, and I sucked in a breath as he leaned into my face. “Because you’re mine,” he growled in a whisper.
His chest rose and fell, steady and controlled, and if there was one thing I knew about Will Grayson III, it was that when he was in control you should worry.
Michael, Kai, Damon, and Will were like the four limbs of a single body.
“I think that’s why I’ve always liked this time of day best. People hide in the dark. They quench their thirsts in the dark. They build their secrets in the dark. We’re more ourselves here than anywhere else. I get to be me”—he swallowed, staring at me—“when nightfall is coming.”
He turned and looked at me, and he was so beautiful I wanted to believe him.
“I really don’t like you,” I said nice and loud so we were clear. He smiled and pushed himself up, coming up to the truck and climbing up on the step, peering down at me. “I like that you don’t like me,” he taunted.
“So, I’m a challenge then?” I asked. “That’s what all this is really about?” “No.” He shook his head. “You just make me want to be . . .” “Better?” I rolled my eyes at the cliché statement. But he paused a moment. “More,” he finally said. “No one ever expects more from me.”
I didn’t have a gazebo. There was no Will Grayson. There was nothing but this.
“It wasn’t her body or her face,” he told me. “It was how everything with her was effortless. Every movement. Every look.”
“It wasn’t her job,” Aydin said, “but it was her calling.” He paused, and then he dropped his voice as if thinking out loud. “It wasn’t her job,” he said again. “Then.”
Will would leave me, and he would be right to.
there was so much to say, but if I didn’t explain, then maybe I wouldn’t have to feel him spit on me and throw me away for good.
But instead of spitting, he shook me hard, growling like he was frustrated with himself more than me, and I broke into more tears. “I’m sorry,” I cried. I was so sorry for all of his pain. But when I thought he was going to throw me back into the pool, he brought me in instead, wrapping an arm around me and pressing his forehead to mine.
I just wanted her to smile. It would be one thing if I were the one making her miserable, but I had a feeling I wasn’t.
She was right here but miles away, and my chest ached.
And in that moment, I wanted to do nothing else with my life more than change her world, so she’d never feel like this again. Goddammit.
Sorry, D. That’s her seat now.
I wanted inside her head first. Because contrary to whatever she thought, this shit wasn’t ending when the lights came up.
“Nice tie,” he whispered close to my ear. My heart leapt, and I stopped breathing for a moment. His breath tickled my hair. “Thank you for wearing it.” I couldn’t turn around and look at him because I was sure my face was ten shades of red. He’d put his tie on me after the movies when he’d dropped me at home, and I wasn’t going to wear it, but . . . He’d taken another bad day and made it good. I liked wearing something that reminded me of it.
“Will is like that,” he said, his voice softening, somber now. “Isn’t he?” Like a smile that doesn’t hurt. I nodded. “Easy, normal, peaceful . . .” he told me. “The only thing in my life untouched by anything ugly. Nothing has tainted him. He’s the one thing that’s still beautiful and thinks the world is beautiful and believes people are beautiful and all that shit.”
“You can’t take him away from me,” Damon told me, stepping back and letting me go. And in that moment, I understood exactly what his problem was. He didn’t dislike me. He resented Will liking me so much.
nothing compared to the years Damon had relied on Will to be his little beacon of hope that the world was still a pretty place.
I knew how it would end, so I knew better than to let it start.
“You feel it, don’t you?” Damon asked. “That need kids like us feel that Will never will? That need to destroy anything good, because every man for himself, and if you can’t beat ’em, then join ’em.” He came in and caressed my hair, and my chest ached, like something wanted to tear out of it, and I just wanted the pain to end. Even for a minute.
Don’t play with his heart. Use me, instead.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, gripping his T-shirt at his waist and dipping my forehead into his back. “I’m not . . .” My voice shook. “I’m just . . . not a happy person, Will. And you’re right, I never will be.” Tears lodged in my throat, and I blinked long and hard to keep the tears away. I didn’t want to cry in front of him again. He stood there, still, only the beat of his heart pulsing through his body. “I’m not right for you,” I told him. And not because he was rich and popular and I wasn’t, but because he made my life better. I looked forward to him.
I wanted him to know he deserved better. I wanted him to know that if I were someone else, I’d be his and I’d love him so good.
“I . . .” He trailed off, struggling for words. “I . . . like you.” It sounded like “I love you,” and my chin trembled. “I’ve liked you forever,” he said. “If you talk to him, the spell will break and the night will be over because you’re not the same in the sun. You’ll have all kinds of reasons again tomorrow about why I can’t have you. Stay with me tonight. Don’t talk to him. Don’t let anything between us tonight.”
I licked my lips, still tasting Will and feeling the emptiness grow and grow behind me as I heard the front door click shut.
I stood there for a minute, sick of the guilt and self-hate. I’d done it again. I was a bitter, condescending coward, and hopefully, he’d move on to someone like him. Happy and bubbly and . . . fun.
I was supposed to be somebody by now. I was supposed to make her regret not wanting me, and this was humiliating. She shouldn’t be here.
it was Emory Sophia Scott and how good her smiles felt. All the frowns were worth the trouble for just one smile. Or so I used to think.
“But you’re going to be fucking mine someday,” he growled. “Come hell or high water, Emory Scott. You’re my woman, and you’re going to come home to me every day and sit at my table and warm my fucking bed.” He kissed me. “And you’re going to give me a Will Grayson IV. Mark my words.”
“You’re Lilith,” he whispered against my skin. “You can’t be burned if you’re the flame.”
“Alex?”
You’ve been blowing my mind for forever.
“I love you,” I murmured.
Maybe she was a little right. Maybe I hated myself, because she’d come for him, and I’m not sure if I would’ve. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing if I’d known about this place months ago. Or maybe she knew nothing about me and should shut her stupid mouth.
“Stop crying,” he said again. “Shit happens, and you did your best.”
Morning! Smile. Or don’t. It’s completely your choice. Don’t let a guy tell you you’re prettier when you do. You don’t need to be pretty for anyone. Your value does not rely on my opinion. Damn the patriarchy.
“And you want it, too,” he taunted, squeezing my tie, “or you wouldn’t be carrying me with you.” Yeah, I was wearing his tie. So what?
“Let go of me.” I glared at him. “Go have fun with your friends. They’re all you really have, so hang on to them. I don’t love you, and I don’t want you.”
I’d make his life horrible.
“Stop it,” he bit out. “You hear me? Stop it. Last night was it for me. I don’t want anyone else but you.” Tears sprang to my eyes, and I forced back the sob in my throat. God, I loved him. This hurt. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t be someone he had to take care of. Someone pathetic who would just bring a shit ton of baggage on him that he’d get sick of dealing with.
Alex knew all of them. She was a part of his life now. Friends with his friends.
just hoping some semblance of his life is back to what it used to be, even if I already knew he has undoubtedly changed. I just hope he’s gone. Traveling, living . . . loving, and being loved.
I did what I had to do, right? I might’ve even saved him from a worse fate. But no matter how often I tell myself that, I still don’t feel it.
A fist squeezes my heart. I miss him. I didn’t realize back then how much this would hurt and how long it would stay with me.
I loved that feeling, too, Winter Ashby.
“Does Will know?” he asked, rubbing my blood between his fingers. “No.” He lifted his gaze to mine. “Because he’s the one pure, beautiful thing untainted by ugliness,” he repeated nearly his exact words from the shower. “And we love him for it.”
