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He had Alex, but she wasn’t what he needed, and he just kept running away again and again, so he wouldn’t think or…feel. Or deal.
“I guess your girlfriend likes to stay ahead of schedule, too.” And he looked up at me. “She went into labor two hours ago. Where’s your fucking phone?”
Mads, for short. Mads Mori. Poor kid sounded like an assassin.
YES BANKS
I faltered. He should be here for this. Out of all my friends, he should be here.
“You knew my kid was coming this month,” I snapped. “Why aren’t you here? You missed it. You know, you’re just really fucking…”
I dialed him back, waiting for voicemail to pick up again. “I miss you,” I said. “We all miss you. We need you, okay? My son needs you. You’re his favorite. I know it already. Just…”
She’d been awkward as fuck the past several months, and I was half-tempted to kidnap her again, steal Michael’s yacht, and take her to sea until she had it out with me. We hadn’t gotten a chance to speak earlier, but she was clearly back for a reason.
Winning wasn’t important, but the fight was, and she didn’t fight for me at all.
“No,” I retorted without hesitation. “My children will have Winter and me.” And then I looked over at her. “And you.” She narrowed her eyes on me. “And Banks, Alex, and the guys,” I added. “And they’ll have your children. This is their family. It’s exactly the family I want for them.”
Part of me always wondered why I was drawn to Rika just a little more than other women besides Winter and Banks.
Of course, she was one of my own. Of course, she was. It all made sense last Devil’s Night. Everything seemed to align, and I had no fear.
Like Banks—like Winter and me—Rika was unique. She was built for the wilds, and I wanted her in my family.
I loved how she was. She made me better, because I loved seeing her happy, but she didn’t push me, either.
“Our family comes first,” she added. “Our family…” I repeated. My family. Mine.
While driving, we think, even for just a moment, about jerking the steering wheel into oncoming traffic or leaping off the balcony of a ship and into the abyss of the black water below. They’re passing thoughts and little dares we allow our psyche, because we’re tired of not living and we want the fear. We want to remember why we want to live.
“That’s what binds us,” she told me. “Who?”
“Our family.” Our family? “Kai, Banks, Michael, Rika, Will, Alex…” she went on. “You and me. We all hear it. L’appel du vide. The call of the void.”
“You’re so beautiful,” I said. “Even though you gave me a son when I explicitly asked for a daughter.”
“I didn’t give you anything!” she argued. “It’s the chromosome the male contributes that decides the child’s sex. This is all your fault.”
I seemed to be better with girls. Banks, Winter, Rika… I was afraid, I guess.
