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I fought not to recoil or remember how, for one brief, beautiful moment, that fountain all those years ago was indeed a heavenly hiding place. And how I wished I was there now, if only to be away from here.
Life felt like hell because we expected it to feel like heaven. The quote I read years ago went something like that, but I never understood it. When you’re in the thick all your life, living in ways you eventually figure out no one else is, you learn to sleep well in heat and eat fire. Until one day it’s all you need.
I need her to hurt me because pain covers up pain, and if I feel
People assumed I behaved strictly on impulse, when actually, it required quite a bit of strategy to be this fucked up.
“The queen is the most powerful piece on the board,” I told Mr. Garin, keeping my eyes locked on Rika’s. “Why not use her?”
Such a fucking little monster, that one.
“Don’t hurt her,” Rika said.
“Coming from the woman who offered up all the info I needed to take her father, her home, and her fortune.”
“Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels good, like a kill switch for your brain.
“Acting like that time with her wasn’t the only fucking time I didn’t hate fucking.”
We didn’t do drugs. We were the drugs.
Fuck you. This won’t go how you think it will go. You won’t change me. I’ll change you.
I’d always had tunnel vision when it came to things I wanted, and it was always
one thing at a time. I couldn’t concentrate otherwise.
“Well . . .” Rika began after I didn’t say anything else. “It might be nice to live in my good memories forever.”