More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Even though two of my friends went to prison with me, I was the only real criminal here. I was the rapist. The sexual deviant. The sick one. Lock up your daughters, wives, sisters, and moms. Hell, lock up Grandma, too.
i will say, damon has such a distinct voice from the other two guys. i like how well PD’s capturing his personality. she’s always so consistent w her characterization.
“Michael? Everything okay?” Kai walked over, and I rolled my eyes so far back in my head I almost saw my brain. Two peas in a pod.
it’s always the most fucked up ones who are the funniest
I took another drink, kind of wanting to kill myself for a second, too. The shit that came out of my mouth. All for Winter’s sake, because she was my sole motivation in everything I did, and I was kind of fucking ashamed she had that power.
glad to see he has a conscience. and ofc it’s all an act
I wondered why my father never pursued her after her husband died.
it’s kinda sad if you think abt it…what kind of life would he have had if he knew?
“Spare me your concern about what happens without her knowledge!” he fired back. “You only care when it’s not you taking advantage!” I ground my teeth together. He wasn’t lying exactly. But still
lol
She thought I’d wanted to hurt her. She thought I’d meant for people to see that video. She thought I wanted to trick her. The only motive I had was to be around her, and if I had to lie to get it
Do you want her to touch me? Do you even care? “And she thinks she can do me better and erase you from my memory,” I said. “I don’t care.” Her expression was flat, and her voice was mechanical. I nodded, ignoring the needles in my throat. “Good,” I said, feeling her breath on my mouth. “Because when you hear us tonight, I want you to know it’s because I don’t care, either. There’s nothing of you for her to erase.” I gripped the back of her head again, pressing her forehead into mine. “And in your bed tonight, when it’s late and dark, and the rest of the house is quiet, except for my wife’s
...more
“He and Damon look a lot alike,” Claudia continued. “Both dark hair and eyes, but Kai’s more . . . manicured, I guess you could say. Damon always looks like he just shifted back to his human form after being a wolf all night.”
I couldn’t be that great a burden, right? My parents—and Arion—had really done a number on me. While it was the psycho-stalker-sicko who made me smile and gave me confidence. Go figure.
important to note! the right ppl will always lift you up!
“Would you have forgiven me . . .” he asked, “if I’d gone over the side of the tree house with you that day?”
“Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, Winter Ashby, because we’re not done,” Damon warned in a low voice that snaked through my ear, taunting me. “Grow up, learn things, and have fun in high school, but don’t change the little girl who loves it ‘in the black,’ because I like you there, too. And I will be back for what’s mine when you’re old enough for bigger things.” I turned my face away, breathing harder. “And be good,” he told me. “If I hear anyone touched you, I will crack his fucking skull.”
And I hated that I’d missed him. I hated that so fucking much. How I still felt the parts about him I loved when I didn’t know it was him I was with. How his arms around me still felt protective and how his whispers reminded me of when I loved the feel of them all over my neck.
The bed creaked, moans and breathing followed, and I shook my head, wishing I was deaf instead.
i swear this is the fourth time she’s walked in on smth like this. does she have a radar for this shit lmfao
I feel you. I feel you everywhere. The cloves on his clothes, the fountain on his skin. The words on his tongue, the breath on his lips. The hand on my neck, the sharp in his silence. Down the hall. Sitting in the study. Outside in the rain. At the open bathroom door. Or right in the corner of the room. Right here. Watching me. He was always coming. Or . . . Maybe I never left. His words came back to me. When he was in prison, he was here. When I wanted to want other men, he was here. When I danced, when I cried, whenever I was alone, and when I was quiet in a room full of people and thinking
...more
What did he see when he watched me? His enemy? Or something he wanted? Was I someone to torment or something to play with? Did he know the difference? Did he want me to like it? What did he see?
I hated him. He was everything bad that happened to me. But he was the only time—other than dancing—that I felt alive, too. Being with him was like dancing. Dancing with death.
Jesus Christ. She was beautiful. And mine. All mine whether she fucking liked it or not. She’d do this for me. Only for me from now on.
But I needed her mind. “It’s all in my head,” I muttered. The control. The memories. The knowledge that our bodies betray us, and it was the brain that was the prize. That the mind knew what we really wanted, not the body.
My mother isn’t unusual. Men look at Banks the same way my mother looks at me. That’s why I hide my sister. So they won’t go after her.
jesus
She coughs and sputters, and tears stream down my face, but in that moment, I know. It will never happen again. This never has to happen again. I’ll kill her if I have to.
“God, you’re like a female version of me,”
the irony
But I’d definitely kill for Erika and Banks. They might not like me a whole lot, but they understood me.
She laughed under her breath, probably thinking I was joking, and I went weak for a moment, the light in her eyes the most beautiful thing I’d seen in a long time.
I thought it would be tough, not smoking to avoid giving myself away, but when I was around her, I just wanted to stay around her. My nic fit wasn’t worth leaving her until I was damn good and ready.
I liked that she liked me. I wasn’t trying to get her into bed. I wasn’t trying to prove how tough I was. I wasn’t angry or weighed down or tired of my stupid fucking life. It was the only place I wanted to be. Everything was new to her. She was an escape. I could feel anything and feel things again for the first time in her words, her body’s reaction, and her face.
And all I knew in that moment was that I would fight for nothing more than to keep her like this. Innocent and happy and pure. Dancing in fountains.
But then, tightening her hold, she slowly brought herself in and hugged me. My chest swelled, aching like shit, and everything washed over me at once. Her smell, her warmth, her hair and body . . . My lungs caved, and I didn’t know why, but it felt so fucking good. I wrapped my arms around her like a steel band, almost feeling relief at holding something—or someone—for the first time in forever. When was the last time this happened? I never gave fucking hugs, except when Banks needed to talk me down, and that was more like hanging on to something than . . . Than actual affection. Than someone
...more
Yes, I wanted to see her again. She was mine. In our secluded, secret little world, she was mine. I wanted to watch her dance, and I wanted to steal her away a thousand more times to feel her excitement and fear and live through how vulnerable and sweet she was,
“What are you doing?” she asked, probably worried I’d be caught. But I just shook my head, keeping my voice low in case her parents were still awake. “I don’t know, baby,” I told her. “Just don’t let me go, okay?”
I knew this was bad. I knew I was fucked. She hated me. Her family hated me. She was one of the few people I didn’t want to hurt. I was nineteen, and she was too young.
we want what we want
it was like we were in the fountain as kids again. Everything was pure and sweet, just for that short amount of time, and this was how it was supposed to happen. It was always going to happen with us.
“I love how the world looks when I’m with you.
I wasn’t in love with her. This wasn’t love.
denial is a river in egypt, my guy
“Can you be gentle?” she asked, tears in her throat. I shook my head, still not looking at her. “I don’t do gentle,” I said. “But God, baby, you are tearing me apart right now.”
“I don’t need you to feed me.” “Maybe I need you to feed me.”
“I will never have your children,” I told him. It was Damon. It was my sister’s husband. And I’d rather die than raise a family under his thumb. He’d be a terrible father.
you sure abt that babe?
Her heart was so shallow, she couldn’t understand and know that I was real. Every moment with her, I was real. I would’ve been faithful, and I would’ve died protecting her. As soon as she knew, though, she cut me out. It was over. That quickly, she hated me, her fickle heart abandoning me and completely forgetting it all.
i never understood why winter hated damon when she knew the tree house incident was an accident. maybe bc of her parents? idk
“No one will miss you,” Michael whispered, threatening me. And I almost laughed. Bet his dick grew another fourth of an inch off that big-boy threat.
this bitch is all bark no bite. you couldn’t pay me enough money to give a fuck abt this mf
We carried him back beyond the tree line, Alex, Michael, and Kai following, while Banks bent over, picking up the heavy backpack from the ground as we passed. I cocked an eyebrow at Michael. “You gonna make my sister carry that?” Or do we do all the work and you just watch? He yanked the bag out of her hand,
lol
i rlly do love damon
“Love you. Mean it,” she chirped at Alex sarcastically and then looked up at me, smiling. I couldn’t help but give her one back. Like old times.
Will was laughing already, lifting his phone to record. But Kai grabbed it out of his hand to stop him. “Fuck no.” Will’s mouth dropped open and he looked confused, but then the light dawned. “Oh, right.”
“You’re mine,” I said, kissing her mouth once as I humped her. “Mine.” I kissed her again. “Mine in that fountain. Mine in the locker room and in the janitor’s closet. Mine in the dean’s office.” I took her jaw in my hand. “You’ll have my kids and be my woman and fuck me,
ok so i like a bit of toxic possessiveness! sue me!
this bitch sent me to jail with no hesitation and no regret. We weren’t in love.
you know, i admire his dedication to his vendetta
I scaled my eyes down her face and form as she spun and leapt, wishing I could be the air around her and feel her move. My chest ached so badly it hurt to breathe. There was no one in the world like her.
fire coursed up my neck, and I was nervous. Back to Montreal. Away. I’d never see her.
She could be anyone. I could get from anyone what I got from her. I didn’t want her in my head. I don’t want this. I wanted her to stay perfect.
i love when their obsession runs so deep they have to fight every base instinct to stay away
She believed she was in actual danger, and all I could feel was my mother on top of me like Trevor was on top of her.
actually this whole part is really well done imo. exploring damon’s resentment towards rika and his motivations for what he did that night make a lot of sense and work so well for his redemption arc. beautiful!
She came out tonight, saved my fucking ass in town earlier, and I . . . I fucking attacked her. She stood up for me, and all I saw was trash and a threat. All that spirit, and I beat it down. I treated her like garbage, and instead of feeling powerful, I only saw a little boy on the ground, crying and heartsick, because he couldn’t stop what was happening to him.
She never lied or pretended she was someone she wasn’t. She couldn’t see what I was, but she felt it and recognized it in herself, and we were able to find each other and feel that it was right. I didn’t know how it happened, but it was why I was always drawn to her. Since we were kids. She saw everything.
I knew without a doubt that this was who I would’ve been if I hadn’t become me. If I hadn’t learned to cope with pain in all the worst ways growing up in that house and denied taking any responsibility for the man I became. I would’ve gone to school, played basketball, laughed with my friends, and snuck into my pretty little girlfriend’s house at night to make love to her, delirious, with no other need than to be good, because I wasn’t so twisted that I needed anything else to be happy.
