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There is a reason that all things are as they are. —Bram Stoker, Dracula
Duh,” he added snidely.
I laughed because why did he say this to his newly wedded wife 😭
“The queen is the most powerful piece on the board,” I told Mr. Garin, keeping my eyes locked on Rika’s. “Why not use her?”
Calm down Damon, she is not that powerful.
And in exchange, I’d help her get something she needed, as well. Something I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to give her just yet. I liked her coming around, and I didn’t want it to stop.
“Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels good, like a kill switch for your brain.
This was unfortunately accurate and made me deep the pain theory. Still does not excuse being rapey Damon.
“Acting like that time with her wasn’t the only fucking time I didn’t hate fucking.”
Okay that’s sad. Sorry about that.
Fuck you. This won’t go how you think it will go. You won’t change me. I’ll change you.
I was twenty-one, no job prospects, and I was scared.
lol this felt like pride and prejudice
I had never been in love with him. Not with Damon.
Oh no girl, you fell in love with a ghost??
Was that Russian? Mikhail didn’t know any commands in Russian.
First he made her blind, then he lied about who he was and made her fall in love, then he took all her fathers assets, then he married her sister, then he isolated her and NOW he stole the affections of her dog? Unbelievable.
“That’s a good boy,” I heard Damon coo to him. “He’s smart. He knows who his master is.” Mikhail went to him?
Mikhail you’re a dog and a traitor.
“Because I can’t feel guilt, sadness, anger, or shame as strongly as I can feel fear anymore, and there’s no stronger fear than when I scare myself.” He brushed a tear off my face, and I jerked away. “I never know quite what I’ll do,” he finished.
Lovely heart to heart but you still broke into her house.
My pulse is pounding, too, you freak. We’d just run up the stairs. What the hell was he talking about?
Proof that Damon Torrance is abnormal and all he needed was therapy.
Fucking Rika. This was her idea. I’d bet any piece of ass that she sent Will over here to teach Winter some self-defense moves to fend me off. Nice move, kid, but this was chess, not checkers. Remember?
Rolling my eyes for the tenth time.
“I can’t stop going down this road I’m on,” he nearly whispered, his eyes watering. “My family is done with me. Michael has Rika. Kai has Banks. You were a lie.” He faltered, dropping his gaze. “She was a lie.”
But he pushed me again, and I winced, my chest now aching. “And she’ll take me away from you, and then you’ll be all alone. Like you always should’ve been.”
Oh no will
“You’re gonna deal with me!” he yelled and then hit me again, sending me stumbling. “Kill me. Fucking finish the job and kill me, because I’m fucked, and I hate you, and if you don’t take me out, I’ll take you out, because it’s fucking over!”
Poor Will man, the least rapey but most hurt. Damon deserves worse for letting him almost get murdered.
“Jesus Christ.” He laughed, sounding impressed. “Okay, I’ll just take a nap. You have fun.”
And then his fingers found the pulse on my neck and pressed down. I followed suit, placing my three fingers on his neck, on the side of his throat, and finding his pulse, as well. We sat there for a moment, each of us with one hand on our own neck and another on the other person’s. It was fast like mine, and I liked that I did that to him.
“This is black,” he said. “Fear, falling, release. Excitement, risk, danger.” I sat there, hugging him and trying to figure out if I liked it or not. It scared me just like he did when he broke into the house last week. I hated that, but . . . I didn’t really hate it anymore. Probably because I wasn’t as scared of him anymore. It was fear in a controlled environment. The motorcycle wasn’t. Or maybe I just needed to try it again.
“I won’t let you go ag—” He stopped and evened out his voice. “I won’t let you go,” he said. “Hold on.”
The only time I was inclined to like Damon a little. He wouldn’t let her go again like he did when she fell out of the treehouse. He remembered it all and it weighed on him :(
“Can you show me red?” I asked. I didn’t want the night to end. He paused for a moment and then whispered over his shoulder. “Someday.” “Are you still going to hurt me?” I joked. But he paused again, his whisper barely audible. “Someday,” he said.
“Michael? Everything okay?” Kai walked over, and I rolled my eyes so far back in my head I almost saw my brain.
Damon’s thoughts are weirdly the least sinister.
“Oh, Winter, this is Alex, by the way,” Will said and then eyed me. “My new best friend.” My lips twitched with a smile. Touché.
what red feels like. Anger and fury and heat and need so strong you’re a fucking animal, Winter. It’s primal.”
I already had an idea of the tool he’d turned into. I couldn’t believe I’d suspected him to be my ghost. My guy was out of this world. And he didn’t smoke, thank goodness.
Famous last words as they say.
“And Michael?” I pressed. “Michael.” “Michael.” “Michael.” They all sounded off around the table, and I heard Rika heave a sigh to my left. “Rika knows all about him,” Noah teased.
“Will Grayson is dancing,” Rika answered, sounding like she was embarrassed for him. “Oh, my God, he’s on a table.” Everyone in our area broke into laughter, and whatever he was doing must’ve been entertaining. “My Prerogative” blared, and I couldn’t help but smile and bob my head a little bit. It was a fun choice of music. I’d probably like Will. “Such a lover, not a fighter,” someone said.
“Same old, same old, from the same scared little boy,” I shot back. “Still climbing into fountains to hide from Mommy?” “Mommy?” he repeated. “I killed that bitch last night.”
“Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, Winter Ashby, because we’re not done,” Damon warned in a low voice that snaked through my ear, taunting me. “Grow up, learn things, and have fun in high school, but don’t change the little girl who loves it ‘in the black,’ because I like you there, too. And I will be back for what’s mine when you’re old enough for bigger things.” I turned my face away, breathing harder. “And be good,” he told me. “If I hear anyone touched you, I will crack his fucking skull.”
The knowledge that our bodies betray us, and it was the brain that was the prize. That the mind knew what we really wanted, not the body.
Okay this hurt me. Sorry Damon.
Fuckin’ Rika.
But while I liked my games, intrigue, and going wild, I didn’t like doing it alone. I wanted someone on my side. I wanted her on my side.
“It’s good to dream big, Damon.” I almost snorted, but I couldn’t contain my smile. “God, you’re like a female version of me,” I said. “It’s turning me on.” “Makes sense. You love yourself best.” I stood upright again, brushing off my hands. She was exquisite, and if she weren’t working against me, I’d think she was brilliant. Smart. Tough. Clever. And cold when she needed to be. Cold.
“I would kill for you,” I shot back, getting in her face. The incredulous look on her face, like she didn’t know if she should be touched or laughing, mimicked exactly what was happening in my head right now. Yes.
Yeah sorry random as hell. You also tried to kill her, let’s not forget that Damon.
“You’re going to have lots of my children,” he informed me.
The crime was I couldn’t tell her who I was. And the crime was she didn’t love me back. Her heart was so shallow, she couldn’t understand and know that I was real. Every moment with her, I was real. I would’ve been faithful, and I would’ve died protecting her.
Again, blaming others for a problem you created. Just go to therapy man.
I always dreamed of having this room in my house someday with splatters of red paint all over the walls and sheets, so I could dump drunk friends in there who would wake up in the light of day the next morning, shitting their pants at the massacre on the walls. The small delights in life.
Again, weirdly not as fucked up as Kai’s thoughts.
I darted my eyes to hers. “Don’t let me go,” I told her, breathing hard. “No matter what you hear or what they say, don’t let me go.”
I’d changed her forever. I’d bent and twisted and broken everything that made her the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.
“I just wanted to hold you,” he said. “One last time.”
“Michael and Kai are smarter than you, you know?” she said. I listened. “Because if there’s one thing they know about revenge, Damon, it’s that it won’t feel nearly as good as her love will.”
I slip, scream, and fall, his face the last thing I see before I see nothing at all.
I closed my eyes, starting to spin as Lana Del Rey’s “Dark Paradise” drifted out of the ballroom through the open window, and I swept my leg, arched my back, and shot up on the ball of my foot, dancing and twirling as the music filled me up and took me over. My arms sliced through the water, splashing and whipping the spray, and I danced and danced and danced, running my hand over my stomach, my drenched hair flying around me and sticking to my face and body. To dive and fall. To have a lifetime of searching for something. Or to have five minutes of everything.
Ohhh so this is what those TikToks meant
“Because of ‘Winter’ by Walter de la Mare,” he replied softly. “Something still beautiful, even after what I did to her.”
A snowflake tattoo. I guess I can’t hate you anymore Damon but you’re still sus.
I did what Rika told me to do. Almost. I got to work on something. I brought in a crew, we tore down that fugly fountain and built the one I had designed and planned, working day and night for two days, so she’d find it and explore it and hopefully love it.
It was kind of a date. I kept her clothes on. Most of them.
“You’re not dying,” Winter argued. “You haven’t even told me you love me yet.” Oh, that. “Someday,” I teased.
But it was Will who answered, “She said B negative was a rare blood type. It’s actually the second rarest in the country, according to this website. Only two percent of the population has it.”
