Kill Switch (Devil's Night, #3)

by Penelope Douglas

He made himself the cure, which wouldn’t have been necessary if he hadn’t also created the disease.

Life felt like hell, because we expected it to feel like heaven. The quote I read years ago went something like that, but I never understood it. When you’re in the thick all your life, living in ways you eventually figure out no one else is, you learn to sleep well in heat and eat fire. Until one day it’s all you need.

Will, Michael, and Kai were my friends, and I’d walk through fire for any one of them. Will was the only one, though, who I was sure would walk through fire for me.

Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels good, like a kill switch for your brain.

“Thanks for your concern,” I told her. “It’s touching.” “Oh, gimme a bre—” “You can go now.” “What are you—” “Jesus, you’re still here?” I blurted out, cutting her off. “Well, make yourself useful then and open this.” I reached for the bottle of O.J. on the edge of the table where I’d left it, found it, and handed it to her over my shoulder. Juice splashed out from where the cap wasn’t tightened properly, and I heard her gasp. “Ugh, Winter!” she yelled. I winced. “Oh, it was already open? Sorry. I’m so blind.” Laughter broke out around the table, and she let out a growl, her mumbled curses fading away as she stomped off. Or I pictured her stomping off. Not sure if she actually did. “Oh, shit, girl,” Noah said, knocking me lightly in the arm. “You are my hero.”

I hated him, and I would never forgive him, but maybe we had that one thing in common. We had to change to survive.

I didn’t know if I felt responsible for the fact that she now only had four senses by which to experience the world, but it was a strange feeling to want to protect someone from others when I knew I’d be worse for her health than anyone.

“You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,” I shot back, “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.”

I slowed to a walk, my heart suddenly hammering as I saw the white of her shirt through the leaves, not one foot away from me. I put out my hand, following hers where it grazed the leaves on the other side. I closed my eyes for a moment, walking with her and following the path with my hand as I heard the blood pump in my ears. My head started to float a little, and the world seemed to tilt under my feet.

In fact, he was kind of an angel at the end. An angel with really black batwings. Psycho.

My smile froze, remembering the beating I let him give me last year, because I knew I deserved it. I’d knelt there, letting him hit me again and again, because I wanted to feel worse on the outside than I did on the inside, and for so many moments, I just wanted him to kill me. Just kill me, because I can’t take it back, and I can’t move on.

“You were my heroin once upon a time,”

“I almost killed you once,” I gritted through my teeth and getting in his face. “I could do it again.” “Then do it,” he fired back. “Do it, because I got nothin’ to lose, D. Nothing.”

I would’ve fucking followed him and rotted down there, close to wherever he was, because nothing I would’ve acquired after that—my inheritance or my vengeance on Winter—would’ve been worthwhile without him.

“If I hear anyone touched you, I will crack his fucking skull.”

“You won’t hurt me.” “And why not?” “Because we’re friends.” “You don’t know the meaning of the word!” she snapped. “You don’t care about me!” “I would kill for you,”

I’d definitely kill for Erika and Banks. They may not like me a whole lot, but they understood me.

My chest ached so badly it hurt to breathe. There was no one in the world like her.

I’d changed her forever. I’d bent and twisted and broken everything that made her the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.

She said the beauty in life is what we live for, and it’s everywhere. You just have to look closer.”

“You should’ve just left me there. Why didn’t you?” She was quiet, nudging her cheek into mine as she found her words. “Because I was afraid of life without the hope of you to look forward to.”

If I ever thought I couldn’t do something with her, then I wasn’t doing it at all.

“We’re going to rule the world, Rika.” I held out my hands, grinning. “You, Banks, and me.”