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“Own who you are,” he commanded. “And don’t apologize. Do you understand? Own it or it will own you.”
Give me everything you have.
He’d liked my curiosity then, I think, and even had fun indulging me. And then immediately after that night he’d pulled back as if nothing had happened.
I might have felt a little bad over the years about what happened to his friends, but to him . . . not so much.
It’s an easy enough concept, after all, Rika. Why can’t you understand it? He was saying that I was in the way and a bother. He didn’t want me around.
“That was English, Rika,” he barked, making me jump. “A dog listens better than you.”
“What do you want from me? Huh?” he asked, breathing hard and glaring at me. “What do you see in me that’s so fucking fascinating?”
He didn’t want to know me. He didn’t like me. And I wanted that fact to stop hurting. I was so sick of dreaming.
Sick of having forced a relationship with Trevor because I believed he would set me straight, and sick of wanting a nightmare that treated me like a dog.
Yeah, I suspected Damon would know what it was. Sick fuck.
Not that Damon didn’t. We just didn’t know for sure. If we’d ever seen him use anything like that, we would’ve killed him, but he also never gave us the impression that he wasn’t just that fucked up.
“It won’t be you I’m trying to hurt,” he threw back. “If that slut spreads her legs for you, I will make sure marrying me will be the nightmare of her life.”
Damon Torrance, son of a media mogul. Kai Mori, son of an influential socialite and banker. William Grayson III, grandson of Senator Grayson. And Michael Crist, son of a real estate developer.
“It is hard,” Will said mournfully. “But I just call one of the guys when my heart needs a hug.”
“I don’t like drugs or drug houses,” he admitted. “Drugs are a crutch for people too ignorant to self-destruct on their own.”
“Your fucking mouth never stops, does it?”
“Get up again, and I’ll kill your mother.”
“You . . .” I took a deep breath and met the teacher’s eyes. “You talked about an ungrateful generation whose lives revolve around the technology yours gave us. I just don’t . . .” I paused. “I just don’t think that’s a useful perspective.” “Clarify.” I straightened in my seat, sitting forward, away from Damon’s touch. “Well, it’s like taking your child to an auto lot to buy a car and being angry when they choose a car,” I explained. “I don’t think it’s right to get aggravated with the public for utilizing conveniences that are made available to them.”
“Do you like women?” she asked matter-of-factly. My eyes rounded, and a laugh lodged in my throat. “Uh,” I choked out. “Well, it’s never really occurred to me.” Damn. Got to hand it to her. She knew how to get my mind off the guys. She turned her head, looking at the elevator door and smirking. “Let me know if it ever does.”
And unfortunately, Michael was very much like Damon. Never any girlfriends, never any commitment, and never any expectations. The only difference was Michael didn’t talk about his dirty deeds. Damon made sure everyone knew.
You’re not a victim, and I’m not your savior.
“You sure you want the rest of the team to see her before you get a ring on her finger?”
“Why would I care?” She snorted. “By the way you were all tongue-tied with him the other night in your pajamas, I gathered you did.”
“Men who hire escorts aren’t paying for the sex,” she corrected. “They’re paying us to leave when it’s done.”
“Some people aren’t interested in forming attachments or having obligations, Rika,” she explained. “I’m just a professional who’ll show you a good time and then not expect anything afterward.”
You may be the good time, but you’re also the dirty secret they hide.
“I wish I could say I wasn’t used to that reaction from women,” he mused, noticing my retreat.
Whether or not I thought I was sexy or just a stupid kid was irrelevant. Michael Crist was losing his grip.
“Does she taste as good as she looks?” I heard Kai ask, and I snapped my head up, remembering he’d been watching.
He and Trevor would never get their hands on her. I’d see her dead first.
I clenched my teeth, suddenly wanting them to hurt more. I wanted to kill them. No one should hold the power to change your life forever.
“When you want to make an impression and you think you’ve gone far enough, go a little further. Always leave them wondering if you’re just a little bit crazy, and people will never fuck with you again.”
“Thanks,” a low voice said behind me. I turned my head to see Damon, his arms resting on the top of the back seat as he stared at me.
“You have money and girls, cars and clothes, but I still have more than you in this little box.”
And the things that were irreplaceable in life were the only things of value.
No. No, I wasn’t happy at his house. Not without him there.
Being in his house when he wasn’t there was the loneliest I’d ever been.
“Why are you always messing with me?” I demanded. “Because it’s fun,” he admitted, “and you’re getting so good at it.”
“Hinder. ‘Lips of an Angel,’” I tossed out, turning to Michael. “He was in love with a woman, they broke up, and he married her sister on a whim.”
You became aware of things under the shroud of night that you didn’t see in the light of day. The things people hide and how lax they become with their secrets when they think everyone is asleep.
“You like to be scared, don’t you?” I heard his voice behind me. “That’s your kink.”
“When we used to wear the masks,” Michael said, dropping his voice to a near whisper, “you liked it, didn’t you? It scared you, but it turned you on.”
“I am being nice to you, right?” he whispered, dragging his teeth across my jaw. “Yeah, she’d cut my fucking hand off if she knew just how nice I was being right now.”
I wanted him to use me and fuck me and go at me with a desperation he never showed for anything or anyone.
“Such a beautiful little monster,”
Our scrapes and bruises, tattoos, scars, smiles, and wrinkles told our stories,
I wanted her and everything she was. At least for tonight.
I’m going to make you scream.
Such a little monster.
She and I were the same, after all. We fought shame every day, struggling with who we could let see the real us, and we’d finally found each other. Unfortunately . . . we were fucked.
