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I often saw a coat of paint that you apply when you’re trying to cover up rotting wood. There were dark deeds and bad seeds, but who cared if the house was falling apart as long as it was pretty, right?
I wanted to get into a little trouble. I wanted to catch some rain, find something that made my heart pump again, and I wanted to know what it was like to not have anyone to grab onto.
Own who you are. My heart fluttered, remembering Trevor’s brother’s words. I could barely wait. Twelve more hours .
Michael Crist was Trevor’s brother. A little older, a little taller, and a lot more intimidating. They were almost nothing alike, and they hated each other. Trevor’s jealousy of him had been there ever since I could remember.
Trevor didn’t make my heart pump so hard that I felt like I was on a damn roller coaster. He wasn’t in my dreams, and he wasn’t the first person I thought about when I woke up. He didn’t haunt me.
Doctors, in-home rehab, therapy . . . Over the years since my father’s death, nothing had worked. My mother just wanted to self-destruct with sorrow and depression.
Chess would teach me strategy, fencing would teach me human nature and self-preservation, and dancing would teach me my body. All necessary for a well-rounded person.
I read the words silently. Beware the fury of a patient man.
I guessed I could chalk up my disinterest in Trevor to knowing him my entire life—he was too familiar, kind of like family—but I’d also known his older brother my entire life, and my feelings for him weren’t at all familial.
They were here. The Four Horsemen.
Damon Torrance, Kai Mori, Will Grayson III, and—I locked my gaze on the bloodred mask covering the face of the one always in the lead a little more than the others—Michael Crist, Trevor’s older brother.
I’d always been scared of him. The thrilling kind of scared that got me turned on.
He stepped up to me, narrowing his eyes. “You ran away from my brother, my family, your mother, and even your own friends,” he pointed out, “but what if one day you found that all of those securities you took for granted—your house, your money, and the people who love you—weren’t there anymore? Would you need help then? Would you finally realize how very brittle you are without those comforts you seem to think you don’t need?”
So was I what he implied? A coward who talked a good talk but would never really know pain or the struggle of having to fight for anything?
The corner of his mouth tilted in a smile, and he walked around me toward the door. “Night, Little Monster.”
She thought she was nothing to me, insignificant and invisible. She wanted me to open my eyes and see her again so fucking badly, but she didn’t realize that I already did.
The way she tried so hard to not look like she was losing her fucking mind with me around. How her shallow breathing made her tits rise and fall, and how those nipples poked through that tight little tank top of hers, making me want to take one between my teeth and teach her how to scream my name so well she’d say it in her sleep.
And the best part? She didn’t know that we knew. She didn’t know that we were coming for her.
The closer you got to anything beautiful, the less beautiful it became. Allure was in the mystery, not the appearance.
“I lied,” he said, baring his teeth next to her ear. “I’m never gentle.”
“There are too many people that try to change us,” he went on, “and not enough people who want us to be who we really are. Someone once made me see that, and I wanted to give that to you.”
“Own who you are,” he commanded. “And don’t apologize. Do you understand? Own it or it will own you.”
The need to break away, the desire to find the one person on the planet who would understand me, the temptation to go after all the things they tell us we can’t have
Damon Torrance, son of a media mogul. Kai Mori, son of an influential socialite and banker. William Grayson III, grandson of Senator Grayson. And Michael Crist, son of a real estate developer.
“When you want to make an impression and you think you’ve gone far enough, go a little further. Always leave them wondering if you’re just a little bit crazy, and people will never fuck with you again.”
“We want what we want,” he explained, the weight of his soft words meaning more than I think he intended.
And the things that were irreplaceable in life were the only things of value.
You became aware of things under the shroud of night that you didn’t see in the light of day. The things people hide and how lax they become with their secrets when they think everyone is asleep.
Our scrapes and bruises, tattoos, scars, smiles, and wrinkles told our stories, and I didn’t want a pristine piece of wallpaper. I wanted her and everything she was.
Erika Fane who put the air in my lungs or made my blood run hot?
The most valuable lesson anyone learns in life should be learned as early as possible. That you don’t have to live in the reality someone else invented. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Ever.
Redefine normal. None of us know the full measure of our power until we start pushing our boundaries and pressing our luck, and the more we do, the less we care what others think. The freedom feels too good.
Being scared wasn’t a weakness. But letting it force my head down and my voice quiet was. Fear wasn’t the enemy. It was the teacher.
“I’m not playing your games. You were wrong.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You want to know what I’ve learned? I don’t win by playing your games. I win by making you play mine.”
Unease weighed on my shoulders, and I let out a breath. I need her. I want her.
I laughed under my breath, grabbing at his hands. “I can do it,” I protested. “But I want to,” he said, sounding playful and making my heart flutter.
He was a sadist, and my little heart just had to go pitter-patter the second his yanks, grabs, and pulls turned into gentle caresses and his frowns, scowls, and snarls turned into whispers. I fell, and I never even tried to stop myself.
Life is one-way, and there is no return trip. What are you waiting for?”
The corners of my mouth lift, and I can’t wait for tonight. She corrupted me.
