All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

a strange feeling overcomes me. Have you ever watched the sand in an hourglass? When you get to that final bit of sand, doesn’t it seem to flow faster? “Teresa, Jeff, can you guys stick around?” David asks. Teresa looks at Jeff nervously but nods. “Thank you. Kade, April, and I are going to sit on the beach and watch the sun set. It would be good if you stayed.” Teresa hugs him. Jeff even embraces him. The atmosphere is void of oxygen as I swallow big gulps of air. Darkness encroaches on the edge of my vision as Kaden picks my husband up from his wheelchair. Teresa shoves a folded blanket in my hands, then places a hand firmly in the center of my back, pushing me to follow Kaden down the path to the beach. No. I don’t want to go. I don’t feel like watching the sun set. Actually, I don’t want it to set at all. Not today. Not tomorrow. I find myself running ahead to lay the blanket out. Why am I not stopping this? But the smile remains on my face. “It was an exceptionally beautiful day today, wasn’t it?” I hear myself say. No. No. Stop, this isn’t happening. “It was the best,” David replies as Kaden lays him gently on the blanket. “Come here, wife.” He rolls to his side and pats the spot in front of him. I lie down so we are both facing the ocean, my back pressed to his chest. Kaden lies down beside me, turning his face towards the waves. David drapes his arm over me, placing his hand on his son’s chest. The sun hovers over the horizon as if it too is unwilling to say goodby...