All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

When I crawl into bed beside David, he grabs my arm, tugging me close to him. “Hey, beautiful,” he whispers. “I thought you’d be asleep,” I tell him, snuggling down under the covers with him. “My thoughts were way too naughty for sleep to come, wife.” He swats my bottom lightly. Giggling, I lean over to kiss him. He groans and pushes me onto my back. “Let me love you, baby,” he says quietly, staring deep into my eyes. I let my tears fall freely as he makes love to me like it’s our last time. He kisses them away while his hands roam all over my body. Is he trying to memorize everything about me, like I’m doing to him? He’s aggressive in his demands. He steals my breath, he tastes my skin, his fingers play my body like an instrument that only he can hear. He wants it all, and he takes it greedily. After our lovemaking, David and I lie together quietly. He studies our entwined fingers, drawing them to his mouth, kissing each of my knuckles. “Please let someone love you when I’m gone.” I remain quiet because I simply don’t know if that is something I can do. Because of David’s condition we have a different way of loving each other. I don’t know if I can do it the way other people do. With David, it’s safe. He touches me and I touch him. That’s how we connect. In the beginning, I thought maybe God made him the way he was just for me. But now I think God is angry and punishing me with the threat of taking him away. “Stop with the bible crap in your head, April. I know what you’r...