All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

I’m walking around in a daze. Feeling a bit like a pin ball. Bouncing from one thing to the next, trying to stay in the game but knowing at any minute I will fall between the paddles and drop down into the dark, cold pit of despair. “Mrs. Langston?” I glance up. Everyone in the room is staring at me. “Yes, sorry. Did I miss something?” I ask, rubbing my temple. “Your husband made a special request for you to sing at his service,” the funeral home director tells me. I blink at him a few times before letting my gaze peruse over Kaden, Teresa, and Jeff. “You must be joking.” “No. See right here.” He pushes a sheet of paper listing all the songs David had picked for his service. He left nothing much for us to do. Everything is planned, all we had to do was pick a time and date. He taps his finger beside my favorite song. Penciled in, in my husband’s handwriting it says vocals by April Langston. “I don’t sing. Why would he want me to sing at his funeral?” I ask the room. Everyone shrugs. He must have heard you sing if he requested it, April,” Jeff says. “I can’t sing. No. I especially can’t sing at his funeral. He is asking too much.” I push the paper away and rise from the table, leaving them all behind as I rush outside. I need fresh air. The funeral home director runs to catch up with me as I’m getting ready to cross the street. “Mrs. Langston! Mrs. Langston, please I have something for you.” I stop along the curb and wait for him; he is panting by the time he reaches me. He...