All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

“How’s David doing?” my nail stylist asks as she buffs out my nails. I glance at David’s sister, Teresa. She nods her head, encouraging me to talk about my husband’s illness. “He’s good. Nothing gets him down. He’s still going to dialysis three times a week.” “I’m sure he will love this color.” She taps my finger with her file. Smiling, I agree. David loves bright, cheerful things. He’s amazing. The love of my life. Without him I don’t know where I would be. As much as I like getting my nails done, I would rather be spending time with him. He is the one who insists I do this every week. This and shopping. It’s become Teresa and I’s scheduled girl time. He says it’s more for him than me. I drop him off at the bar a few blocks from here before meeting Teresa at the salon. He says he needs his “guy” time. He promises me he only has one beer. I’ve stopped drilling him about it. I know it’s important to him. It gives him a chance to feel like a man, an independent man, if only for a few hours each week. That’s been the hardest thing for him. Relying on others to meet his needs. It’s the silliest thing I’ve heard, because in reality, I rely more on him. I will wilt after he leaves. He is my sun.