All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

He promised he will see to it that she shines so bright I’ll be able to see it from my place in heaven.

I love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

“I’ll never give up on you, death won’t change that. I know, my little diamond in the rough will shine brighter than the brightest star in the sky.”

“When I was a little boy and my father passed away, my mother explained death to me. She said my father’s spirit had taken wings like a butterfly and left his body. Just like the butterfly leaves its cocoon. She said his soul had been set free.” He pauses and kisses the back of my head.

Just as the final arch of the sun dips below the surface, a bright blue butterfly flits in front of us, landing on the edge of our blanket. “Dad. Dad, do you see the butterfly?” Kaden whisper-yells to David, unable to take his eyes off the winged creature. The butterfly flies in front of us, doing an impressive dance in the sky, as if it’s showing off his grand flying skills.

but first I’m going to sing Amazing Grace. It was the song that led him to me in the very beginning. Hopefully, it will help his soul find its way back.”

I don’t want letters. I want real conversations. I want hugs and kisses. I want late night snacks. I want him. I want him. I want him.

You’re doing it, April. You’re living and that, my dear, makes me the happiest man in the heavens. Love forever and a day, David

Today I’m saved yet again. By another man. Not better, not lesser, but equally as good.

Live long and live well my beautiful pebble. It’s time for me to let you go. Love forever and a day, David

I am the preface. The beginning of a beautiful love story, but unfortunately my chapters are short and limited. But her love story is far from over, I know this, I feel it deep inside my heart.

“You’ll look back on this day and you’ll thank your lucky stars for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

It doesn’t erase all the kisses we shared. It doesn’t alter the past; it only enhances the future.

“What I can do is promise to love you until one of us is called home.”

I pick up my phone, and as I do, I realize how Westin has become my person. The person I want to share my news with. Good, bad, everything, I want to share everything with him.

It’s one of your happiest memories. You know, she’s the first person I’m going to look for when I get to heaven. The woman who gave my girl hope. The one who sat with her in the dark. The kindness she showed you, it’s what kept you going. Who would have thought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich could do so much for a person.