All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”

“The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind, washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life’s strongest storms.”

I love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

“You are my sunshine. Without you, I cannot bloom,”

“You are right. My love for you will transcend. You’ll be loved even when I’m gone.”

“I’ll never give up on you, death won’t change that. I know, my little diamond in the rough will shine brighter than the brightest star in the sky.”

“When I was a little boy and my father passed away, my mother explained death to me. She said my father’s spirit had taken wings like a butterfly and left his body. Just like the butterfly leaves its cocoon. She said his soul had been set free.” He pauses and kisses the back of my head.

“Was it worth it? Was loving my dad worth it? Worth all the pain I see in your eyes right now.” I place my cheek against his chest. “It was worth it. No regrets, Kaden. I have no regrets.”

I’m going to sing Amazing Grace. It was the song that led him to me in the very beginning. Hopefully, it will help his soul find its way back.”

He was the glue that held all my broken bits together. And each time a piece of me started to fall off, he glued it back together with his warm hands and calm voice. Now, I have nothing. Just things. I need him. I need him. I need him.

Your dad thought photos were vain. They aren’t. He lied. They are the pause button on wonderful moments.

“All we own in this life are our memories.”

“I’d like to tell you it gets easier, and I guess it does. He’ll be with you everywhere. In everything you see, in all that you read.” He nudges the book, while still holding her hand. “But don’t let those memories overshadow the people and things that are still here.”

“Life goes on. It’s okay to make new memories.”

Today I’m saved yet again. By another man. Not better, not lesser, but equally as good.

“Thank you for showing me grace,” I whisper. I press my forehead to the wall and cry. It’s ironic that the very place I met him is the place where I finally feel strong enough to say goodbye.

We go through life being handed pebbles. We carry these with us but at some point, you have toss them into the water to help someone else.

I am the preface. The beginning of a beautiful love story, but unfortunately my chapters are short and limited. But her love story is far from over, I know this, I feel it deep inside my heart.

It doesn’t erase all the kisses we shared. It doesn’t alter the past; it only enhances the future.

I don’t think how love begins is of any real consequence. It’s how long it lasts. I know her love for him will last forever. I can only hope that her and I have a chance at something close to that.

I was so worried that when I died, April would die with me. Thank you for giving her a second chance at love. She deserves it. You deserve it too. You’re worthy of being loved.

What is life without a connection to it?”

“I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet for the letters… or for him. You are the most selfless man I’ve ever known.”

“The three of us are like some sort of weird love triangle.” He shakes his head. “I loved him, April. I still love him. Don’t ever think you can’t talk about him. I’m not jealous. I’m so goddamn thankful you had him.”

“What I can do is promise to love you until one of us is called home.”

I pick up my phone, and as I do, I realize how Westin has become my person. The person I want to share my news with. Good, bad, everything, I want to share everything with him.

I’d like to tell you it gets easier, but I don’t know that it does. What I do know is that having something to walk towards does help. I have a beautiful life… it’s always been there for the taking, David’s letters helped me see it.