All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

You think I’m crazy? Maybe. Only time will tell. Maybe you will even find yourself falling in love with me. Who knows? Life is full of surprises.

I love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve secretly been hiding two narcotic pain pills each time he gets a new script. They give me peace of mind. I’m afraid when he’s gone, I’ll be forced back into the dark and there will only be one way out. Those tablets are my portal back to him.

“You are right. My love for you will transcend. You’ll be loved even when I’m gone.”

“I’ll never give up on you, death won’t change that. I know, my little diamond in the rough will shine brighter than the brightest star in the sky.”

“When I was a little boy and my father passed away, my mother explained death to me. She said my father’s spirit had taken wings like a butterfly and left his body. Just like the butterfly leaves its cocoon. She said his soul had been set free.” He pauses and kisses the back of my head.

It’s so hard, so hard to speak. Maybe I’ll go back to the way I was. Will my words die with David?

“The pain you feel now will turn into strength for the future.”

“All we own in this life are our memories.”

But what happens when you throw a pebble into the water? It creates ripples.

Don’t be sad when you let go. Know that they are creating magnificent ripples that never end. That’s how we live on.

I am the preface. The beginning of a beautiful love story, but unfortunately my chapters are short and limited. But her love story is far from over, I know this, I feel it deep inside my heart.

My load of pebbles is lightening. And I’m trying like hell not to be sad about it. But today I am.

I can’t believe she’s here. Shit, she came to me. This is big. This is everything.

It doesn’t erase all the kisses we shared. It doesn’t alter the past; it only enhances the future.

We play her favorite song. We don’t sing the words we just play the melody. Life is good. Sweet. Definitely worth living. There was a time I didn’t believe it was. But the girl in the basement gave me hope. Now she’s giving me so much more.

“What I can do is promise to love you until one of us is called home.”

I pick up my phone, and as I do, I realize how Westin has become my person. The person I want to share my news with. Good, bad, everything, I want to share everything with him.

David’s Final Letter Dear reader, I have one last pebble to cast. This one is for you… Hold it in your heart until the time feels right, then let it go. It doesn’t have to be big…. as we’ve learned it can be as simple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You may not see the ripples it will create, but they are there. Trust me. Love forever and a day, David