All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

I do know there will be love for her again. A different kind of love— not better, not worse.

I love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care

he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

Your tears show him how much your love spills over.

I don’t need anyone else. You’ve given me enough love to last a lifetime.”

“You are right. My love for you will transcend. You’ll be loved even when I’m gone.”

If I have to, I will stay awake forever, to ensure he doesn’t slip away from me.

“The pain you feel now will turn into strength for the future.”

I want to bury myself in your chest and listen to your beating heart. I want your hands teasing across my skin at the small of my back. I want the rumble of your voice. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

He was the glue that held all my broken bits together. And each time a piece of me started to fall off, he glued it back together with his warm hands and calm voice. Now, I have nothing. Just things. I need him. I need him. I need him.

“All we own in this life are our memories.”

You want to go hit some balls around at the course?”

“Will I be a bad wife if I pretend they are his nuts?”

Today I’m saved yet again. By another man. Not better, not lesser, but equally as good.

I am the preface. The beginning of a beautiful love story, but unfortunately my chapters are short and limited. But her love story is far from over, I know this, I feel it deep inside my heart.

It’s strange to have your heart break and mend at the same time.

I don’t think how love begins is of any real consequence. It’s how long it lasts. I know her love for him will last forever. I can only hope that her and I have a chance at something close to that.