All Your Firsts Without Me

by L.M. Terry

love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

“When I was a little boy and my father passed away, my mother explained death to me. She said my father’s spirit had taken wings like a butterfly and left his body. Just like the butterfly leaves its cocoon. She said his soul had been set free.” He pauses and kisses the back of my head.

He was the glue that held all my broken bits together. And each time a piece of me started to fall off, he glued it back together with his warm hands and calm voice. Now, I have nothing. Just things. I need him. I need him. I need him.

Today I’m saved yet again. By another man. Not better, not lesser, but equally as good.

It’s ironic that the very place I met him is the place where I finally feel strong enough to say goodbye.

We go through life being handed pebbles. We carry these with us but at some point, you have toss them into the water to help someone else.

Look for the pebbles, April. Hold on to them as long as you need to and then let them go. Don’t be sad when you let go. Know that they are creating magnificent ripples that never end. That’s how we live on. The more pebbles you gather and throw, the more ripples you create.

Live long and live well my beautiful pebble. It’s time for me to let you go.

I am the preface. The beginning of a beautiful love story, but unfortunately my chapters are short and limited. But her love story is far from over, I know this, I feel it deep inside my heart.

But it’s a million times worth it because she is going to cast all the pebbles we’ve gathered together into the water of her life. She is going to keep our love alive. Love doesn’t end with death. It continues to live in those goddamn pebbles, it never ends.

It doesn’t erase all the kisses we shared. It doesn’t alter the past; it only enhances the future.

“What I can do is promise to love you until one of us is called home.”

Dear reader, I have one last pebble to cast. This one is for you… Hold it in your heart until the time feels right, then let it go. It doesn’t have to be big…. as we’ve learned it can be as simple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You may not see the ripples it will create, but they are there. Trust me. Love forever and a day, David