Read Me (Forget the Past, #2)

by Lauren Connolly

“I used you to escape an uncomfortable situation. I’m sorry.” He shrugs, eyes still not meeting mine. “Use me any time.”

“Only give me real smiles. If you’re sad, frown at me. If you’re mad, scowl.”

“Do you want a hug?” A Cole Allemand hug? Does such a thing even exist? “Are you offering a hug? You don’t seem like a hugger.” “I’m not.” “Well, I don’t want a hug full of lies.” I cross my arms, knowing that I’m being obstinate. But that’s what this day does to me. Cole’s mouth twitches. “I’m not a hugger. But I’d like to hug you.”

There’s a pressure on the top of my head, and I realize Cole is resting his chin on me. Like he has no immediate plans to end this embrace.

“Black works for me today,” I repeat. “But when I’m happy again—and I will be—I won’t be able to stop myself.” “From doing what?” he murmurs, his stare seeming to catch on my mouth. “From trying to paint you in colors.”

Cole: I can drive. Dinner at 7. I can be at your place early if you want to make out before we go.

Most people think that spring is a good time for forgiveness. Everything in the world is new and growing, and the pain of winter can be forgotten. Can be forgiven. But spring has always felt too fragile to me for taking such an important step. In spring, heavy rains can come and wash away hopeful growth. One day is warm, the next is cold, the fluctuation confusing and disheartening. The nights, still long, can leave frost come morning. I’ve never truly trusted spring. Forgiveness requires steadiness. Reliability. It needs to burn through you until there’s no doubt the past sin, the chill of winter, is gone for good. That’s why I ask for forgiveness in the Summer.

“Why did I lie, you ask? I lied because I am a monster and you are perfection. I lied because I am selfish, and I want you. I lied because the truth of me is a dark twisted mass. I lied because I am terrified. Terrified of life without you in it. I am desperate for you, and I believed lies were the only way to keep you from leaving. If I had known that truth was the key to you, I would have shared every detail of my pathetic existence.”