Anything But Fine

by Tobias Madden

I’ve cried at literally every movie I’ve ever seen, including Zootopia and High School Musical 3. Both of which are brilliant films, by the way. Just so we’re clear.

I love this guy. And I feel like I’ve probably cried at HSM 3 too.

a bright purple lunchbox with magazine cut-outs of the One Direction boys stuck all over it with clear contact.

Yes. I love this.

Harry is my everything.”

(This is something Danielle would say): As he should be.

“He’s definitely beautiful, but he also sparked the beginning of the end, so I’ll never forgive him for that.

No no no you seriously want to live in a world where we get NO solo music from them? Heathen.

she held a pretend wedding ceremony for her and her life-sized cardboard cut-out of Harry Styles.

Not cool we all know he belongs with Louis

Is there a worse feeling than finding out there is no chance whatsoever of your crush liking you back?

Nah I think it’s worse when you’re just agonizing over whether he likes you or not. When you know from the start he wont like you back its easier:

You’re like, a total genius, you’re super nice to everyone, and you’re weirdly obsessed with One Direction,

She sounds exactly like Danielle if you put it that way

(Are you inviting me to your bedroom?)

No, he’s inviting you to LOOK INSIDE OF HIS CLOSET like come on GREAT metaphor there

Peach emoji. Eggplant emoji. OMG! Luca, stop! Is that all you think about?

See I am Amina with friends who don’t talk about boys (and who aren’t even friends…) I need a Luca who WILL talk about boys.

“It’s meant to be for kids. It should have a happier ending.”

Oh yes my brother would DEFINITELY agree

“Not all kids get happy endings, Dad,”

Wow but that’s a POINT…very true there, Luca. Wow.

Of course they’re all as happy as fucking Larry.

Is that a saying?

In between Hide Alerts and Photos are the words Leave this Conversation, in bright red text.

Fun fact I considered doing this in my own bad friend gc the other day

I’m your dad. It’s my job to look after you, not the other way around. No matter what you say to me. I’m the adult. I shouldn’t have left. It was irresponsible and … and unforgivable.

Wow he’s a good dad. I like this relationship.

(I think I might have accidentally scared them away with my gayness. Whoops.)

Aww poor Luca and have these people SERIOUSLY never met another gay person before?

we come into this world crying, so why should we ever stop?”

what could have possibly upset Jordan so much.

How about: he was homophobic to you and that hurt him that much because he’s actually gay too

At least I don’t get hard.

Way to think on the positive side of things Luca

Just me and my stupid crush.

How I exist most of the time except rn I don’t even have a stupid crush to keep me company. I guess I have a stupid imaginary ex-crush.

putting her One Direction lunchbox on the bench between us. I feel like we’re ten-year-old girls about to exchange friendship bracelets.

Again, my constant state

Maybe this is how some people feel around me? Like there’s a big gay elephant in the room and they don’t want to step on its big gay toes. Or maybe I’m the elephant. I dunno. Wait … Do elephants even have toes?

I love this escalation. It seems really brilliant, actually. Being gay isnt the big worry; whether elephants have toes is.

“Oh, go back to Afghanistan where you belong,” Talia snaps,

Okay now that was very much uncalled for there Talia

listen to One Direction all night.”

OH YES IM THERE also I love how they’re from australia and could easily be obsessed with 5SOS instead but, no, it’s 1D

But if I wear a pink T-shirt to school, at least one person will call me gay to my face.

Really? Okay is pink for boys a gay thing bc I’ve really never seen it like that but am I missing something???

Dad always talks about “the Universe,”

OH FUCK YES I KNEW WE LIKED THE DAD I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD EITHER BUT I SURE DO BELIEVE IN THE UNIVERSE

my English teacher, Mrs. Moore, couldn’t care less if we’re on our phones during class—I’m pretty sure she’s completely given up on our entire generation—

Oh my god that sounds exactly like Iacono

I go to say audition but that’s definitely not the right word

True story I once called halftime at one of the three high school football games I’ve actually been to “intermission”.

She even tells him her most embarrassing Harry Styles stories.

Oh no see now THAT is a sign of closeness

we always imagine that these momentous occasions will work out perfectly, but they never go quite to plan, do they?”

I go to click the winking emoji, but my thumb hits the kissing one instead and my other thumb presses send before I even know what’s happening. Shit.

Oh yeah that was TOTALLY an accident there Luca

“I borrowed Mum’s car,” Jordan says to Dad. “I’m going to drive Luca down to Ocean Grove.

So this is the exact same thing as Heartstopper. When is the copyright on this book? My bet is on before Oseman.

Choosing music is such a weirdly personal thing. It feels like you’re baring your soul to someone,

AGREED

“Are we drinking it straight,”

VODKA. STRAIGHT? NO,GAY. COME ON THE AUTHOR HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HARRY STYLES THE WHOLE TIME YOU CANT TELL ME HE DOESNT KNOW THIS REFERENCE

when I’m near you I can’t think straight.”

Obviously not, Luca

Are you just gonna walk straight past me every day?

This author is good at giving the word “straight” a double meaning.

I don’t think that’s a gay joke, but I’m offended either way. But … this isn’t about me.

No no no, MAKE it about you, Luca. You DO know how he feels. You deserve to complain too.

“Sorry,” I say, not knowing how long I was staring. “I’ll be back.”

Not a good idea, Luca

we already missed one Harry Styles song, and I refuse to miss another.”

Mood.

I realize how enormous the difference is between having one friend and having zero friends.

Here I am, standing on Amina’s doorstep, wearing the cardboard Harry Styles mask I printed out at home, with the chorus of “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction blaring on loudspeaker on my phone, a Woolies green bag swinging in my hand.

I LOVE THIS AND THE BAG IS EVEN GREEN TOO

while the 1D boys tell Amina how she lights up their lives like nobody else.

Actually she lights up their WORLD like nobody else get it right Luca

“Uh, a little thing called ‘being distracted by the fact that I had no friends.’“

Wait, IS that a thing? If so then I think we know why I’m very unfocused lately

old-mate Styles.

He’s old-mate Styles now?

Harry Styles Is Our Savior group chat.

OH NOW THATS A GOOD GC TITLE

Selamat ulang tahun!

SHES SPEAKING INDONESIAN I KNEW SHE WAS INDONESIAN BUT I FORGOT I KNEW INDONESIAN UNTIL SHE SPOKE IT