Lessons in Sin

by Pam Godwin

I wanted to crush on boys, wear my own clothes, and live a normal life. Why was that too much to ask? The blow job with Robby Howard hadn’t been my first. He was just another new guy in town, a college freshman attending the nearby university. He didn’t know he wasn’t allowed to touch me. I would’ve given him my virginity, but just like with the others, my babysitting bodyguard had put a stop to that. Maybe it was because Robby didn’t have a trust fund and had to work at Burger King to pay his tuition, but he was the final straw with my mother. And here I was, facing the fallout. Regrets? Oh, I should have them. I should have a handwritten, tattered-around-the-edges journal full of them. Most eighteen-year-old girls did. But I wasn’t like other girls. I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes or have regrets. Somehow, I was supposed to learn life’s lessons by being perfect. What a load of shit. “You think I can’t get into trouble here?” I stormed toward her, fuming. “I’ll find a way, Mother. I’ll find another Robby Howard—” “Mention his name again, and you’ll be writing to him in prison.” “Writing to him?” I screwed up my face, incredulous. “I don’t want a relationship with the guy. I just want—” “Don’t—” “—sex. For once in my life, I want a little fun and excitement.” Desperation drove me to my knees at her feet. I clutched her hand on the armrest, my tone taking on a pleading edge. “I want to experience normal girl stuff, explore things, experiment, and stretch my wings. I want ...