The Other Side of Beautiful

by Kim Lock

Out here, in the absence of stuff, there was an immense, deeply silent, very real presence.

Life had been reduced to moments of fear strung together like beads on a wire of anticipation.

Mercy felt keenly how very short a human life is in comparison to the earth. But rather than being terrifying, something about that thought was deeply comforting. No matter what happened, you were always going to be cradled by the earth. It wasn’t possible for it to be any other way.

She couldn’t escape the collective female conditioning that ensured she be fearful of everything—her environment, her male counterparts, her body hair—but then, on top of that, to feel ashamed and silly for being afraid of everything.

Death happened. Birth happened. Life happened. It was as devastating, as transformative, and as simple as that.

‘Sometimes, pain is simply pain. It hurts, and when it is felt in the moment, there’s nothing can be done but endurance.’

It made her remember that this too shall pass. Be here now, and know that whatever now is, is transient.

‘There’s a difference between pain, you know, and suffering. The former is a fact to surrender to, the latter is a choice.’

Or she could find somewhere in that great in-between, that place of nuance and clarity and balance. That place where she could do her best, do what she needed to do, and not let the fear of pain and hurt, all the infinite what ifs, crowd her mind until she could do nothing but stare longingly from the shore. Hidden away, watching the outside world from inside the walls.

she knew that being here now meant the past itself had vanished. It existed only in her mind, which meant it didn’t exist at all.

all anyone can do is the best they can with what they have, at any one time.