Feuds and Reckless Fury

by K. Webster

I might be bisexual, but I’m all sexual when it comes to Alis Sommers. He drives me crazy in the best possible ways. Makes me forget all the stupid, terrible shit in my life and want to protect him from the stupid, terrible shit in his own life.

Fuck, I’ll never tire of how he makes me feel. It’s terrifying to be so overcome with such intense emotion and need, but it’s also exhilarating. I’ve been hurting for too long because of my family troubles. This feels good and right and fulfilling. I’ll give him that sense of home and the future he craves. All he has to do is give me one thing… Him.

“I can hear you smiling,” Canyon gripes, his voice raspy with sleep as his words tickle across my chest. “It’s too loud for seven in the morning.” “Six,” I tell him cheerily. He grumbles something unintelligible that has me chuckling. All the bullshit in my life is muted when I’m with him. Together, we’re trapped in our peaceful bubble where everything feels good. Really good. No worries or stress or fear.

Canyon scoots up the bed, burying his face against the side of my neck and kissing me sweetly. His affectionate nature is addictive. Being wrapped up in his loving embrace is almost too much to bear. It makes me yearn for things I have no business feeling or wanting. Hope. Happiness. Love.

“Do you really think I’m going to let anyone hurt you?” The sharp, serious blade to his tone has me calming. Whatever it is Canyon and I are doing together, it’s not a joke. He’s not playing with me or using me to pass the time. He wants and needs me like I want and need him. His protective nature blankets me and keeps me warm. “Careful, Voss,” I tease. “Keep trying to be perfect, and one day I’m going to think you are.” “One day?” He scoffs. “We both know you think that day is today.” His hand finds mine, and he threads our fingers together. My heart skips a beat at his gentle, assuring touch. How can being with him feel so damn right when, if it got out to people, they’d see it as completely wrong?

I laugh, pulling him back to me for a heated kiss. “You’re a dreamer, Canyon Voss. And here I thought I was the artsy one with his head in the clouds.”

His expression softens, and a smile tugs at his lips. “Then we’ll get a cat, Wonderland. To keep the mice away.” And just like that, Canyon makes everything better. Am I stupid to hope and pray for this feeling to never go away? A future with Canyon seems too good to be true. There’s so much stacked against us—we’ve only begun to see each other in a romantic capacity, we’ll be stepbrothers soon, and we’re still so young. But… There’s no denying the way he consumes me entirely. It intensifies with each passing second at a reckless, furious pace.

I love Alis. I loved Naomi because she’s easy to love, but this feels different. Like there’s more substance and depth to it. Alis gets me like no one else can. When we’re alone, lost in our own little world, my guard drops, and I can just be. Canyon. Not an emotionally brittle high school senior who’s had to deal with the shattering of his family and the loss of his best friends. Just Canyon. Happy. Relaxed. Hopeful. When I’m with Alis, I’m solely his. He protects me in his own way. Shields me from my dark, inner thoughts when I get pissed about Dad and distracts me.

Irritation claws at my throat, making it feel hoarse and raw. I want to blurt it out right now. Tell our dads we’re in love and that we’re something serious. Not just stepbrothers, but more. That we have a future. This thing between us is barely budding, and I can already tell it’ll be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever known. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid. Just tell Dad and Quinn that Alis is my boyfriend. They love us. They wouldn’t freak out or disown us. Right?

“Nothing’s changed,” he hisses, his words sharp and stinging. “Nothing.” I glower at him, trying like hell to read into his words. What the fuck does that even mean? Nothing’s changed? Is he insane? Everything’s changed. We went from enemies to lovers to boyfriends to brothers to this. An us. A forever kind of us with a future. With fucking cats to chase away the goddamn mice. “Everything’s changed,” I whisper. “I want to love you freely. In front of everyone, especially our family.” He scrambles away from me, gaping at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I finally found it.

I can’t help myself. Even when he annoys me, I need to touch and kiss him. He’s mine, and I’m his. It’s just how it is.

“It’s for the best,” I lie even as the tears of my truth streak down my cheeks. “No.” Canyon shakes his head, but since it’s pressed to mine, my head moves with his. “I already promised you. Roommates, remember? We’re getting a cat.”

“Forget what I said,” he whispers. “I take it back. We can stay a secret forever as long as there is a forever.” Forever feels too good to be true. It always has.

“Wherever you go,” he breathes against my cock, “I go. If you leave, I’ll find you. We share custody of an imaginary cat. I’m not letting you off your fatherly duties without a fight.”

“You taste like—” “Margaritas? Limes? Key lime pie?” Lately, he’s obsessed with describing how I taste, and I find it endlessly amusing. “You taste like mine.” I stare at his beautiful face. Dark lashes bat against his slightly freckled cheeks, and his mouth quirks into a lopsided grin that makes my heart stumble all over itself.

That’s what Canyon does to me. He takes me to new heights, and we leap off together.

Forever. I want this forever. We can have it forever as long as we both keep our mouths shut about it. Some secrets are worth keeping, and this is one of them.

“Go,” I tease, pulling away. “Before I don’t let you.” He leans in and nips at my neck. “It gets harder and harder to leave you.” My chest tightens at his words. It’s unfair. Why can’t we just be together? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe our dads would be annoyed at first but then get over it. Hope is a dangerous game I want so badly to play.

We’ve been pissed at each other for months, but she clearly senses an “us against them” situation. And, like it was on that boat this summer, she chooses my side, past arguments cast aside. Having my sister at my side gives me the strength to say my next words. “I love Alis. He’s my boyfriend,” I explain, my voice tight with nerves, but relief flooding through me at saying them.

Why don’t you want us to be happy?” My voice cracks at my question. “Why, Dad? Why can’t I be happy? You broke me!” Stupid tears form in my eyes, and I angrily bat them away with the palms of my hands. “You broke the three of us when you hooked up with him.” My tone is acid. “I wanted to hate you, and for fucking forever, I did, but then Alis…” I bury my face in my hands, stifling a sob. “He just made me happy. I love him, and I fucking miss him.”

If Alis hadn’t run the first chance he got, maybe he’d see that everyone still loves him. That the love people feel for him isn’t contingent on whether he walks a perfectly straight line. Just like I knew, our dads would be pissed, but they’d get over it. Alis didn’t trust me. And now he’s gone. Gone someplace where I can’t see or touch or speak to him. I can’t protect him.

He’ll understand soon what family really means. With ours, it’s feuds and reckless fury. Fights and frustration and taking each other for granted. But it also means love and forgiveness and home. It means standing beside the ones you love even when they piss you off, and you want to hate their guts because…they’re your fucking family. Families stick together.

Loyalty to your blood but also to the ones you claim as your own. You fight for them until the end. He may have started as a no-one to me and then became my enemy. But, over time, hate twisted beautifully into love, and he became mine. My choice. My love. My family. We’re imaginary cat daddies together. He’s coming back home to us, and when I finally get him in my arms, I’m never letting him go.

Turning from him, I find Canyon standing in the doorway of the room, waiting for me. As soon as we step over the threshold, he shoves me to the wall, kissing me like he can reach my soul. Joke’s on him, though—it mated with his months ago. We’re Daisuke and Chibi. Two sides of the same coin. A perfect complement to the other.

“I knew you were trouble the second you sat on my lap and gave me a boner in front of my girlfriend.” I smirk at him. “Poor Nae.” “No, poor me. I had to find out I was gay for you at the same time you did.” He dips down, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth. “I knew you were trouble, and I wanted you anyway. You’re worth it to me, Wonderland. All the shit you put me through is worth it because we have this.” He places one palm over his heart and the other on mine.

Home is wherever your heart is. And mine is with Canyon Voss. My enemy turned lover. My stepbrother with benefits. My hypothetical cat’s other daddy. Home is him.