Find Your Fierce: Interrupt Imposter Syndrome and Own Your Success

by Teresa Sande

Imposter syndrome is rampant among high-performing, high-potential women, and ironically, it shows up at times of achievement, when a woman is recognized for her strengths and accomplishments. It wreaks havoc on her confidence and keeps her from speaking up, stepping out, and standing in her greatness with authority. The crazy thing is, the very organizations that want to promote women and have greater balance with gender equity and representation may inadvertently contribute to the issue because of their biases and blind spots. It’s time to dig in and assess what’s going on here.

Though there’s still debate about exactly what imposter syndrome is, most researchers agree it’s a form of social anxiety in which people look outside themselves for a sense of validation and approval.

Awareness is the first step to the empowerment that will free you from feelings of self-doubt, because it gives you the opportunity to choose. Without awareness, it’s easy to hang out in victim mode.

DIVERSITY < INCLUSION < BELONGING

Results showed that 72 percent of male senior executives agreed with the statement that much progress has been made toward women’s empowerment and career progression. Of the female executives surveyed, 71 percent disagreed with that statement.

“Every time we got on our monthly call, the business leader would welcome all the men by name. ‘Hi John. Hi Neil.’ And then when all the women would sign on to the call, he would say, ‘Are the ladies all here?’ It wasn’t blatant sexism, but it definitely created the feeling that we were outsiders. We didn’t feel like we belonged in the same way the men did.” Angela’s story illustrated how corporate cultures develop an “in” group and an “out” group. We did it to each other in middle school, and we still do it to each other as adults.

Belonging is a critical part of a human’s psyche. We all need to feel accepted and that we belong in the groups we identify with. The problem comes when this need for belonging has a negative impact on our sense of self.

One way to do this is to take a step back when the negative self-talk creeps in and practice thoughtful inquiry. Simply ask yourself, What if that’s not true?

Part of the feedback may be fact and part of it may be judgment. Thinking you have to take all feedback given is not a healthy perspective.

If you fundamentally believe you’re not an expert or don’t deserve the success you’ve achieved, your actions and the results you ultimately achieve will show it.

The next time you receive feedback, quickly do three things: 1) Assess if the feedback is a fact or a judgment. 2) Determine how you feel about the person giving you the feedback and if you are compelled to listen to it. 3) Decide if the feedback fits you and the situation at hand. After that quick three-part analysis, take action on the feedback.

If we have five distinct experiences in a day, four positive and one negative, the chances of us thinking about the negative experience before we go to bed at night are much higher than us reflecting on the positive.

One way to start getting comfortable talking about your successes is to keep a running list of feedback and positive comments you’ve received.

After that instance, I created a subfolder in my email inbox titled “Kudos.” When I receive an email that articulates one of my strengths or something I did that knocked it out of the park, I drag it over to that folder. At least once a month when I’m having a rough day or feel like I need a pick-me-up, I read through those emails.

Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, has one of the most-watched TED Talks of all time, describing the significance of body movement and body language shaping who you are. She is an expert on the subtle but powerful ways posture influences our thoughts and emotions. Cuddy has a famous example of posture called the Wonder Woman pose, where you stand up straight and put your hands on your hips, taking up as much space as you can.

Imposter syndrome makes us believe that if something comes naturally to us, it must be easy for other people. Having a mentor can help you realize what your natural strengths and skills are so you can better understand your impact on other people and your organization. This sense of knowing can keep feelings of self-doubt at bay and also allow you to open up to other possibilities for yourself.

Many people are extremely compassionate when it comes to others but have a much harder time giving themselves that same grace without feeling self-indulgent or like they are throwing themselves the ultimate pity party.

I also encourage people to do informational interviews. In the modern workplace, people are opting in every day. An organization can’t require someone to stay. That said, there are so many things they can do to help an employee opt in as they hop in the car and drive to the office. The primary way that someone can feel good about the job they are going to in the morning is to know that they are valued and they make a fair wage. By doing informational interviews, you have the ability to understand if your skill set is in demand and appropriately valued. The time to know this information is not when you desperately need a new job, so do your homework and keep your finger on the pulse of what is a hot skill and valued.