Three Swedish Mountain Men
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Read between July 31 - August 2, 2025
3%
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“And the big bear currently glaring at you over my shoulder is Cole. Sorry about him, he has severe behavioural issues.” 
alexithymic alcoholic
We noticed
7%
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“I can walk myself,” I mutter.  “Did you learn recently? You’re not good at it.”
10%
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“I’m going to bend over now,” he adds. “Make sure you pay very close attention to my ass.” I sputter. “I—what?”  He tosses me a dazzlingly white grin. “I can see you watching me in the window reflection. You gotta get better at perving, babe.”  Heat floods my cheeks. “Um. I’m sorry.”  He waves me off. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed. Of course you want to look. You’re only human. I’m sure it’s not everyday you see a body so perfectly formed. So, please …” He grins again. “Enjoy.”  My face gets even hotter. “I thought you were bending over,” I mutter. “Get on with it, then.” 
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“Get off him, you brute.”  “It’s alright, babe,” I say. “We do this all the time. He’s pretty easy to take down, look.” I grab him by the ankle and yank, hard. Cole swears as he topples down on top of me. I grunt as all the air gets knocked out my lungs. “Jesus. Were you always this heavy, man?”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAOO
14%
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“You shouldn’t have tried to kiss her when she was drugged up and crying,” he mutters.  “I wasn’t going to kiss her.” “You were.”  “I wasn’t! I was drying off her face! She was upset!”  He cuts me a cold look. “You’ve never seen a pretty girl you didn’t try to kiss.”  “It's actually the other way around. A pretty girl never saw me and decided not to kiss me. That’s hardly my fault, I’m just immensely kissable.”
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“If you’re gonna lie, you should get better at it. We have plenty of experience dealing with Cole. The guy once got bitten by a moose and didn’t tell us until two days later, when he literally started dying from blood poisoning.”
alexithymic alcoholic
vro is taking macho male to whole new levels
17%
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He laughs easily. “Oh, trust me, I will. Hey, check it.” He shuffles the pan a couple of times, then flips the pancake high in the air, catching it neatly. I watch his big bicep flex under the sleeve of his t-shirt. 
alexithymic alcoholic
As if biceps are ever more impressive than mid-air pancake flips. Thirsty SLUT
18%
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“No boyfriend?” Eli asks lazily. We both look at him, and he shrugs. “Just wondering. It seems like important information.”  “No. I don’t have a boyfriend.”   He sighs. “You poor thing. If you ever want to fix that—” “Shut up,” Riven says, closing his eyes.  Call me, Eli mouths, winking.
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My heart literally thumps in my chest.
alexithymic alcoholic
No way.
33%
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“So, I’m still not super convinced he likes me,” I say. Eli shrugs, leaning over to refill my little glass. “As we say, smaken är som baken. Taste is like a butt.” “What?” “Divided.” “What?”
alexithymic alcoholic
Reminds me of how there's a foreign version of "you can't have your cake and eat it, too" that's "you can't have both the dick in the ass and the (heart? I can't remember) in heaven".
36%
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“You might want me to loosen you up a bit first,” he says. “Before, you know, the spit-roasting. Riv’s pretty big.”  “Eli…” Riv sounds exasperated.  “What? Am I supposed to pretend not to notice? I don’t go temporarily blind every time you take your clothes off.”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAO
39%
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mascara-stained tear track streaks down her cheek. Eli dips to lick it up,
alexithymic alcoholic
Pretty sure that would taste disgusting
40%
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“Morning,” a low voice grumbles behind me. I roll over. Riven’s awake, propped up on his elbow, an open book on his lap. He hasn’t put his contact lenses in yet, and he’s wearing his thick-rimmed glasses.
alexithymic alcoholic
1. Absolute smash 2. How does she know he has contact lenses?
40%
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He looks sinful. Like a sexy, off-limits professor, or something. 
alexithymic alcoholic
YUMMYYYYY
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Before he leaves, he picks up his pillow and whacks it down onto Eli’s face. Eli springs up, shouting a stream of swear words.  “Shut up,” Riven orders. “I’ve got to take a call. Keep Daisy company.”  Eli blinks his green eyes at me, his face relaxing into a lazy smile. “Hey, pretty girl.” He rolls closer and drapes an arm around my hips, pulling me closer. “Did Riv kiss you?” “Um. Yes?” “You poor thing.”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAO
40%
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“Oh, no.” Eli trails his fingers over my thigh. “Not usually the response I get when I’m in bed with a girl, but okay.”  I point at the window. “It’s snowing again.”  “Yep. It does that a lot, in the Arctic Circle.” 
41%
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When I first got here, I would be irritated at him for being such a prick. Now, though, I guess I’m getting more comfortable around him, because he just reminds me of a grumpy old man. I look at the coffee in his hand. “Look, maybe you should cut down,” I recommend, lowering my voice. “I hear too much caffeine can make you irritable. That’s clearly a major issue for you.”  His scowl deepens. “It’s my first cup.”  “So… this is just your personality?” I suck in a breath between my teeth. “God. That’s pretty unfortunate, isn’t it?”  “Get out of the bathroom.”  “Kay.” 
44%
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Husky bites are almost as powerful as wolf bites. He pulls a tube out of his kit. “I’m going to apply a localised anaesthetic so I can take a closer look. Check nothing has gotten into the wound. Did it look rabid?” “Of course it didn’t look rabid, we don’t have rabies in this country.” “I had to ask.”  “Yeah,” Eli drawls. “We’d hate for you to turn irritable and aggressive.”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMFAOOOO
45%
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“How do you know how to get blood out of clothes?”  “I do this really odd thing, where I bleed out of my vagina for a week every month? I don’t know why, it’s weird. Now sit.” 
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“I’m not… good with people,” he starts.  I relent a bit. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you’re better than you give yourself credit for. You have your charming moments.”   He raises an eyebrow. “Really?”  “No. They shouldn’t let you out in public.”
alexithymic alcoholic
I'm absolutely stealing "they shouldn't let you out in public".
48%
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“No siblings, and all my mum cared about was whatever boyfriend she was with at the time. I pretty much raised myself.” Explains a lot. 
alexithymic alcoholic
FOUL
50%
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“If you hold it off,” I promise, “I’ll switch out my fingers for my dick.”  “If you don’t get me off, I’ll punch you in the dick,”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAO
50%
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She flops back against me, shivering and shivering.
alexithymic alcoholic
It's giving c.ai
54%
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“Du ser ut som en fågelholk.”  “What?” “You look like a birdhouse.”
alexithymic alcoholic
What kind of fuckass compliment is that?
54%
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“Yeah. I saw you coming down the slopes earlier. You’re crazy talented. And you’re handsome and smart and sweet and charming—” “I’ve got a big dick,” he adds.  “—you’ve got such a big dick, Eli,” I echo.
alexithymic alcoholic
Ok
55%
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allmäntjänstgöring.”
alexithymic alcoholic
German spelling tests must be horrific
57%
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his hard rod
alexithymic alcoholic
:(
58%
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“How d’you want it, sweetheart?” he whispers in my ear. “From behind?”  “On my back,” I order. “Wanna see your face.”  “Who wouldn’t?”
alexithymic alcoholic
(calling all the chicks, including myself, who like masked men and raising all our hands)
59%
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Her eyes fall between my legs, and her lips part.  “Will your ego explode the cabin to bits if I comment on how big it is?”  I grunt. “You’ll manage. Open up.”  She tilts her head. “When was the last time you had sex?”  “A while ago.” “It shows, smooth talker. You sound like a goddamn dentis—”
alexithymic alcoholic
No because dentists are always hot as fuck for no reason at all
59%
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“Can you two flirt while I fuck you?” he mutters through gritted teeth. “I’m losing the will to live.”
alexithymic alcoholic
?!
61%
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Cole stops pacing abruptly by the window, staring out at the snow, and growls something.  “Use human words, Nalle,” Eli mumbles. “We’ve been over this. We don’t speak bear.” 
69%
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Not to brag, but I’m pretty familiar with porn. I’m honestly somewhat of a connoisseur.
alexithymic alcoholic
Ok
75%
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“You could always take your pants off too,” I encourage, my gaze drifting to his boxers. I thought penises were supposed to get smaller when it’s cold. Trust Cole’s to defy the laws of physics.
alexithymic alcoholic
Ok
78%
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I drop my mouth to his neck and nip at his Adam’s apple, making him flinch.
alexithymic alcoholic
I love that
79%
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“I don’t hug after sex,” I blurt out. She looks up at me sleepily. “What do you do?” “Leave.” “Alright, then.” She waves at the tent entrance. “Off you go.”
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAO
81%
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Well. My hips. It’s only up to Cole’s thighs. He sees me struggling, and his mouth quirks. “Why are you so small?”  “I shrank in the wash.”  “Come on.” He makes to pick me up, and I stumble back. “No! Your shoulder!” “It’s fine. I don’t want you getting too cold.”  “I can make it,” I insist. He reaches for me again, and I glare at him. “Pick me up, and I’ll kick you in the dick so hard your balls fall out of your mouth.”
81%
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“You look like a birdhouse,” I tell Eli.
alexithymic alcoholic
STOP I HATE THAT COMPLEMENT SO MUCH
86%
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“These poor people,” Eli sighs mournfully. “I bet they all have unsatisfying missionary sex once a year, then lie awake at night dreaming of getting fucked in the ass. I bet—” “Lube,” Cole interrupts.  There’s a few beats of silence.  “I know you’re a bit of a caveman, Nalle,” Eli says, “but that has to be the weirdest one-word sentence you’ve ever come out with.”  Cole growls in my ear. “Does anybody have any.”  Eli scoffs. “If you think that I’m sharing my extra-tingly, heating, cherry-flavoured super-glide female-stimulating lubricant, you have another think coming.”  “You’re willing to ...more
alexithymic alcoholic
LMFAAAAOOOOOOOOOO
88%
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“If no one puts a knob in me in the next five seconds I swear to God, I’ll just snap them all off.” 
alexithymic alcoholic
'-'
91%
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“All three of them?” Mum asks hoarsely, looking between us. “H-how is that possible?” I shrug. “They each get two days a week with me, and they all share me on a Sunday.” 
92%
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“I’m not going home with you, Dad.”  His frown deepens. “Don’t be silly. You flew all this way; the least you can do is stay with us. Maybe then we can talk some sense into you.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I promised I’d show the boys around Brighton before we fly back. We’ve already booked a hotel room.” “Of course,” he mutters, wiping his forehead. “Just one room for the four of you.”  “We had to get the honeymoon suite,” Eli informs him. “It’s the only one with a big enough bed.” 
alexithymic alcoholic
LMAO I LOVE MEN WHO RAGEBAIT FATHERS
93%
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I just feel…” I trail off, trying to find the right word.  “Safe?” Cole guesses. “Happy?” Riven offers. “Horny?” Eli wonders. 
alexithymic alcoholic
He wonders. I can't express my love for that
94%
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“Yep!” I show her my hand. She takes in the three gold wedding bands stacked on my ring finger.  The boys gave them to me just a couple of months ago. They did it one at a time; Eli, on top of a ski slope with the mountains all around us; Cole, on a walk in the woods; and then Riven, kneeling at the side of the bed before I went to sleep that night. Each ring has the man’s name engraved on the inside. 
alexithymic alcoholic
SHE SKIPPED THE FUCKING PROPOSALS AAAAGGGGAAAAIIIIINNNN. SHE DOES IT IN TRIPLE-DUTY BODYGUARDS. I'M GOING TO COMMIT A WAR CRIME.