Three Swedish Mountain Men

by Lily Gold

One email. That’s all it took, for my scammy, slimy little ex-boyfriend to tear my life apart.

“Daisy. That’s pretty. I’m Elias Sandahl. Well, I prefer Eli,” he says, giving my hand a firm shake. “And the big bear currently glaring at you over my shoulder is Cole. Sorry about him, he has severe behavioural issues.”

“I can walk myself,” I mutter. “Did you learn recently? You’re not good at it.”

It’s usually a struggle to convince women to keep their clothes on when they’re around him.

“It's actually the other way around. A pretty girl never saw me and decided not to kiss me. That’s hardly my fault, I’m just immensely kissable.”

He tuts. “Babe, if you wanted to get under me, you could’ve just asked.”

It feels like there’s something missing. What if it’s her?”

“Riven?” I whisper. “Are you o—” He bends and presses his lips to mine. The world goes mute.

For a second there, I let myself forget what I was running from. But I guess I can’t ever run away from the truth.

Our baby. What a weird thing to call me. It makes my insides quiver.

I cannot believe this is happening. I’m sitting between two men making a move on me, and neither of them knows the other one is doing it. This is simultaneously the hottest and most awkward experience of my life.

Riven sits back and picks up his drink again, like nothing just happened. “We always used to share women,” he says casually, taking a sip.

“Did we break you, Tink?”

Even though I keep buying more bookshelves, I can never keep up with my book-buying habit. It’s probably a diagnosable addiction at this point.

“It was Riven’s dad who put me in jail.”

“I do this really odd thing, where I bleed out of my vagina for a week every month? I don’t know why, it’s weird. Now sit.”

“Why choose? You’ve got all three, haven’t you?”

No. No way. It’s not possible. Our ex-girlfriend, Johanna, is standing just a few metres away, studying the window display of a sports shop.

Johanna blinks. “Oh. We’re just on a little visit home.” “We?” She nods, looking over her shoulder. “Rickard!” she calls. “Come over here and say hello!” A little kid with white-blonde hair unsticks himself from a shop window and runs toward us, stumbling a bit in the snow.

“Right after the trial, Johanna told Riv that she wanted to be exclusive with him. She wanted to dump Cole and get married. And Riv was head-over-heels for her, so he proposed, and they moved out and started planning the wedding. The only problem was that a few months in, she found out that she was pregnant. She did the calculations, and said that Cole was the father.”

“Will your ego explode the cabin to bits if I comment on how big it is?”

Cole stops pacing abruptly by the window, staring out at the snow, and growls something. “Use human words, Nalle,” Eli mumbles. “We’ve been over this. We don’t speak bear.”

But I seriously doubt she’s a Johanna 2.0. Unless we have literally the worst luck on the planet.”

In faint pencil, she’s written the word Home, with today’s date. My throat squeezes so hard I can barely swallow. She thinks of this place as her home?

“You called it ‘Home.’” She squirms a bit. “Mm. I thought about something a bit more descriptive. Like Three Swedish Mountain Men, or Snowed In, or something. But ‘Home’ felt better.”

“Daisy, you don’t understand. I’m asking you to stay here for a relationship. As a romantic partner. As a girlfriend.”

“She’s English. Long brown hair, brown eyes. She drives a beat-up old orange car. She’s got a little tattoo of a fairy behind her ear.” I’m silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, what did you call her?” “Jenny Adams? Jennifer? Please, if you know where she is, tell me. She just disappeared a few weeks ago, I’ve been going mad, worrying about her.” “Who are you?” I demand. “I’m her boyfriend.”

“Riven, please, please, please, if you care about me at all, do not look me up. PLEASE!”

Underneath all the anger, he looks completely miserable. “You love her,” I realise. “Holy shit. You’re completely in love with her.”

“She said she had an ex manipulate her to stay with him,” I remember. “Do you think he—

She’s dead, and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.

“I’M NOT LOSING BOTH OF YOU!” Cole roars, getting right in his face. “YOU’VE ALREADY TAKEN HER AWAY FROM ME, YOU’RE NOT FUCKING DYING AS WELL!”

The stunning, kind, genius girl put the shack on the rescue route. Even though I told her not to bother. Well, today, her own kindness is going to save her life.

“It’s easier to just have sex, isn’t it? That’s just mindless screwing. But when you look a woman in the face and kiss her, you’re opening yourself up to her. You’re treating her like you really care about her. And that means that she can hurt you.”

Eli’s kiss lit me up inside, filled me up with energy and happiness until I felt giddy and bubbly. Riven’s kiss had made the rest of the world go quiet, warming me up like a fire. Cole’s kiss makes me feel like a lightning rod in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“Listen to me. Eli and Riven will be good for you. I won’t.” “I’ll decide what’s good for me, thanks very much.”

I wouldn’t be scared of Cole if he came into my bedroom with a chainsaw. He’d probably just be building me a bedside cabinet, or something.

For the first time in years, I have a woman I care about in my arms, and it feels like coming home.

I turn just in time to get barrelled into by a giant, naked mountain man.

Well. My hips. It’s only up to Cole’s thighs. He sees me struggling, and his mouth quirks. “Why are you so small?” “I shrank in the wash.” “Come on.” He makes to pick me up, and I stumble back. “No! Your shoulder!” “It’s fine. I don’t want you getting too cold.” “I can make it,” I insist. He reaches for me again, and I glare at him. “Pick me up, and I’ll kick you in the dick so hard your balls fall out of your mouth.”

I reach up and cup his unshaven cheek. He turns into my touch, rubbing his lips against my fingers. “I think I love all of you,” I say quietly. There’s no I think about it. I know I do. I just don’t know what the hell to do about it.

He gives me a little shake. “I thought you were dead, woman. I need to fuckin’ hold you.”

“You always do the thing that keeps you safe,” he says gruffly. “Always. No exceptions. We will deal with the consequences after. You never jeopardise your safety just to make someone else happy.”

Bemused, we both grab our coats and go to join them. As soon as we step outside, it’s clear what has her so excited. The Northern Lights are out.

There’s a few beats of silence. “I know you’re a bit of a caveman, Nalle,” Eli says, “but that has to be the weirdest one-word sentence you’ve ever come out with.”

“H-husband?” the woman stutters. “Yep!” I show her my hand. She takes in the three gold wedding bands stacked on my ring finger.

The man holds me at arm’s length for a moment, running his eyes over me. His eyes catch on my slightly swollen breasts, and I wonder if the doctor will work out the secret I’ve been keeping over the trip. Judging by the tiny smile on his lips, he just might have.