The Gate of the Feral Gods (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #4)

by Matt Dinniman

Hello, Crawlers. Welcome to the fifth floor! We are so very excited for you to enjoy this new and exciting level!

A human named Gwendolyn Duet. She was a level-27 Boring Ol’ Fighter. That was her class’s actual name. “Boring Ol’ Fighter.”

Tracked All-Terrain Suicide Machine. The Royal Chariot – Contraption. If a snowmobile got drunk on moonshine and had a sweaty, ill-advised night with a hillbilly’s coon-hunting ATV, this oversized birth defect of a vehicle would be the result.

“They must be pretty special if Princess D’Nadia likes them,” I said, reaching over to scratch Donut on the head. She harumphed.

Carl: Mordecai, did you feel that? Also, do you know what the Gate of the Feral Gods is?

“This isn’t a goddamned daycare, Carl. Do you see a jungle gym? Because I don’t see a fucking jungle gym.”

But that’s what happens, isn’t it? The universe shows us how cruel it can be, and we are worse for it.

“Well they’re terrible at it,” Donut said. “I mean, really. If they can’t even manage to kill one human who doesn’t wear pants, how can anyone expect them to control an intergalactic empire? No offense, Carl.”

“Have you ever felt true cold? It comes soon for us all. It’s always waiting in the shadows.”

“With your new jacket and bandana and tattoos, you look like someone whose picture gets put on the news because he did something involving indecent exposure and a Wal-Mart.

When you’re in the Carl and Donut party, you ride on the Carl and Donut rollercoaster, and once it gets going, there’s no getting off. I need to do this.”