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March 29 - April 16, 2025
“What level is your Cloud of Exhaust?” Mordecai asked sharply.
Firas downed the potion at the same moment Louis projectile vomited all over the floor. The cleaner bot let out an angry trill.
barely registered what Mordecai said. The two crawlers were still on their hands and knees, scream-vomiting on the floor.
Not Blitz, unfortunately,
I don’t like that they keep mentioning blitz and Carl still has some….
pots.
“I just got a notification that says I can’t drink anymore,” Louis said. His voice turned to a whisper. “Not cool, man. Not cool. It’s all I got left.”
Again with the shot of depressing reality
“I’m gonna have to blow the door,” I said. “Everybody step back.” “Don’t be so dramatic, Carl,” Donut said. “Watch this.” She snapped off her Hole spell. She cast it again, but this time she placed it a few inches to the right, so the disappearing part of the hole included the two deadbolts and part of the wall and door jamb.
“Turn off your hole, Donut.” “Really, Carl. You need to find a less offensive way to say that.”
“Oh shit, oh shit,” Louis said. “What’re we going to do? Cat, you gotta teleport us out!” “Cat?” Donut said. “I am Princess Donut, you buffoon!”
His head pulsed with an odd, sapphire luminescence, almost like a jellyfish.
The description is some high school essay bullshit.
But as we all know, trouble doesn’t care if you don’t want to be found.
The history of the Dirigible Gnomes is long, complicated, and tragic. But the end result is the inevitable result of all peaceful races. They were, eventually, forced to choose between fighting or being wiped out. They chose to fight.
New Achievement! Total, Utter Failure. You failed a quest less than five minutes after you received it. Now that’s talent. Reward: Ha.
That’s why you don’t carry your explosives on the outside, motherfucker.
“You keep destroying governmental buildings, Carl,” Donut said. “People are going to start thinking you have a problem with authority.”
We hadn’t gone in there yet, but everyone was a little scared of the street. I told them to go anyway.
What if they get body snatched
Sponsor’s Name: The Open Intellect Pacifist Action Network, Intergalactic NFC.
There’s no such thing as a non-profit religion.
Preach morty
‘Veriluxx RealPet Companions!’
“I got the Squim Conglomerate,”
“Huh,” Katia said. “Interesting. You can see who else they sponsor, and the list has like 500 crawlers on it. I don’t recognize any of the names.” I remembered that was a thing, but the Valtay hadn’t sponsored anybody else. I checked now, and they still only sponsored me. My new one didn’t sponsor anybody else, either.
Carl: We’re going on an infomercial? Are you kidding me? Loita: I am not Zev, Carl. Do not speak back to me like that. It will not be tolerated. I almost told her to go fuck herself, but I held my tongue. Now was not the time to push it.
we decided to add a third regular bodyguard to the team. This new guy was also a cretin. A rock creature. His name was Very Sullen.
“I like the Penis Parade,” Donut said. “They give out hats if you tip them a gold coin. Sledgie likes it too, isn’t that right?” The Sledge rumbled.
“There are creatures here, on our level. They are trying to resurrect Quetzalcoatlus. They’re trying to get a spell that will give her flesh. They want to be able to physically touch her, I think. So they can gain some of her special powers.”
I popped the pill, looked up at the ceiling, and said, “Thanks, brain worm dudes.”
Toraline Root Vegetable. Alchemy Material. This rare tuber only grows in dirt that has been covered by lava. They are very rare. Nobody ever goes digging them up, either. You know why? Because they taste like dogshit, that’s why. They’re pretty much useless. In fact, fuck you for wasting my time with this.
I returned my gaze to the ceiling. “Thanks for the yam, mystery aliens. I’m more of a mashed potatoes guy, but this’ll do. I guess.”
“Eight more visits, and I get a free dance from Anaconda!” Donut announced.
I’d told Donut to leave thirty gold pieces on the roof as payment, but she told me she’d “forgotten.”
As always, safety came last.
He prized one item above all others. The Gate of the Feral Gods. Said to be buried in the long-lost Necropolis of Anser.
The regular residents of the island are smart enough to leave this powerful boss alone. The fact you’re reading this means you’re not one of the smart ones.
Like I told you before, most of the best items in the game come from boxes for the first several floors. After the sixth floor, dropped loot starts to get much better and more magical. Artifacts start popping up around the eighth or ninth floor. They’re usually very powerful items.
“Yes!” I said as I saw the first sparks of the second stage belch from the back of the now-distant rocket. I pumped my fist into the air. But then the missile abruptly blew. It detonated a few hundred feet short of the target. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck me, fuckity fuck,” I yelled, turning my fist into a middle finger.
“New plan,” I said. “Turn around and drive straight for it.”
“Sometimes we do things that are not of our nature to protect our own.”
I turned to Katia, who’d been strangely silent since we’d returned. Her eyes were flashing, so I knew she was talking to somebody. She did not look happy.
“Louis told me,” she said. “Louis? You’ve been talking to Louis?” “I’m allowed to have friends, Carl.”
One of the changeling humans was suddenly a skyfowl and was attempting to take to the air. Another had turned into a cat, but Donut started hissing, and he switched back to a human.
“The Hunting Grounds” was what they called the sixth floor. I had a quick memory, of a goblin shamanka with a face full of piercings and rings telling me forlornly about how everything would be better if they just could get one floor down.
Katia: Cutting it a little close don’t you think? Donut: WE’RE WATCHING TOY STORY. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? Katia: What?
You’ll also receive my undying respect, because there is no way in hell even you can pull this one off.
“It’s just like the bottle you used to keep hidden in your drawer by the bed.”
Effect: removes the pain portion of the Kill Me Now It Hurts debuff. Warning: It does not remove the one-minute healing block effect associated with the Jelly’s sting.
“Yes,” I said. “Finally.” I looked up at the ceiling. “Thanks, guys.” It was a thick, enchanted roll of duct tape. I picked it up and examined it.
I had a sudden memory, of my father angry. It was soon after mom had left us, a month before he, in turn, left me to fend for myself. He’d ripped off the helmet and smashed my fish tank, spilling my mollies everywhere. I hadn’t cried when my fish died, and I remembered it had bothered me for weeks after. Ever since then, I’d think of my father and those fish whenever I saw one of those helmets. I’d think of those fish flopping on the ground as I desperately tried to pick them up, cutting my fingers on the glass. I’d think of the pain and blood and of them not surviving, even after I put them
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I knew this was all a construction. But it was so easy to get caught up in the story. So easy to forget who the true enemy was. But more importantly, the most difficult part of this, was knowing all that and realizing it didn’t matter. Not today. If this went as intended, every gnome on that thing would be dead in ten minutes. What was it Henrik had said? Sometimes we do things that are not of our nature to protect our own.
I am a healer, and my crew here are all mechanics. My manservant is a world-renowned masseuse.” She leaned forward. “He’s an expert with feet.” Carl: Goddamnit, Donut. Stick to the script.
