In the Weeds: Around the World and Behind the Scenes with Anthony Bourdain

by Tom Vitale

How was it that the most brilliant and amazing person I’d ever known, someone whose words could touch millions of fans, had done so poorly when it came to his personal life? It just wasn’t right. Tony was capable of better. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to shake away the image of paid mourners.

But the unfortunate reality was that I was so stressed in the moment that I rarely ever enjoyed the trips enough to be thankful for them while they were happening. A big part of it was that at every moment, I felt like a fraud.

“The secret is it’s really not about the show. It’s about having a goooood fucking time.

somewhere along the way I’d lost the ability to stop and smell the roses, too consumed with stress and worry to ever allow myself to enjoy the moment.

Tony was a man who was trying his best—to free himself of his analytical mind, to find a belief system that was more forgiving of his spiritual ambivalence, to express his love to the people he cared about, to reconcile the contradictions that embodied his internal and external life and ultimately defined his persona. His best was enough for millions of fans, but it wasn’t enough for him.