“You are here to provide comfort and companionship to one of the greatest heroes of our times.” Auntie Dou’s introductory speech replays in my mind, from when we first gathered in a trembling line before her. “From this day onward, you exist to please him, so that he may be in peak physical and mental condition to battle the Hunduns that threaten our borders. His well-being should be the most prominent subject of your thoughts. You will bring him meals when he is hungry, pour him water when he is thirsty, and partake in his hobbies with him with lively enthusiasm. When he speaks, you will give
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