Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry

by Joya Goffney

How does he keep doing that? Making me feel more visible than I’ve ever felt, like all my dark parts are glowing golden.

There are enough closed doors and glass ceilings in the world. My comfort zone shouldn’t be one of them.

There’s something about having Black friends that makes you feel . . . whole.”

Making lists of all my fears kept me from ever facing them.

She’s so strong; she’s always made it seem like it never affected her. I can see now how much it has.

You made a home in my head, and no matter how many evictions I send, you won’t leave.

I can always sense when you’re near. My energy shifts to make room for yours.

You’re happy now. I can see it. You’re glowing.

I don’t give myself this chance to explain my pain, then it will always be that way. And I’m so done with letting pain take the wheel. Now it’s time to let love drive.

My smile widens. It grows and grows, like a plant that you water every day, like a scar that heals from patience, like the time you take to make sure you feel okay. So big and so bright.