The Words

by Ashley Jade

Whoever said ignoring a bully was the best course of action was either a fucking idiot or someone who never experienced true torment.

“I don’t want your help,” he says again. His low, raspy voice is a turbulent current of water, pulling me under. However, it’s the haunting, desperate look in his eyes that’s my undoing. “But I need it.”

“No, we’re not.” Sadness twists her features. “Because friends don’t fuck people who bully their friends.”

“You’re really good at that.” I’m not sure what he means. “Good at what?” “Hyping me up.” His expression turns serious. “Believing in me.” “How could I not believe in you?” My heart begins to race. “There’s no one in the world like Phoenix Walker. You’re special.” “You really think so, huh?” I smile. “I know so.” And soon enough the world will, too.

“Oh, you’re a bad girl, huh?” he slurs as I climb on top of him and grab one of his wrists. I lock the cuff around it. “You have no idea.” I’m about to be his worst nightmare.

The girl standing before me doesn’t have that problem anymore. She’s secure and confident. There’s even a tiny smirk on her lips, as if she’s thinking—eat it up, asshole, and then choke on it, because you’ll never get this again.

Lennon can hate me all she wants—hell, she can scream it from the top of the highest mountain until her lungs give out—but she can’t deny our chemistry. It’s fucking napalm.

“Let me put it this way. If I was on fire, and the only way to extinguish it was to have sex with you…I’d beg someone to pour gasoline on me.”

Once upon a time, Phoenix Walker made me believe I was special. Then he destroyed me. I won’t give him the opportunity to do it again.

“Mistakes don’t define who someone is, Phoenix. It’s what you do after that does.”

Phoenix’s are supposed to rise from the ashes… But this one wants to burn.

This grammatical error bothers me more than it should

She cradles my face, forcing me to look at her. “We all make mistakes, Phoenix. But then we have to do our penance, learn the lesson, and move on.”

“I see the way that girl still looks at you. We both know she’s not his.”

“Castles and ponies are basic bitch shit. And for the record? The only thing I want from my brother is for him to be a part of my life, you anal pore.”

Because while that seven-year-old boy desperately wanted to believe his mom could do no wrong and thought she was superwoman… The man I am today knows she’s actually a villain.

We kiss for so long…I lose all concept of time. We kiss for so long…I never want to break apart. We kiss for so long…I almost forget how much it hurts.

“I would have given you the song.” My vision blurs and my voice cracks. “I would have given you everything, Phoenix.” My heart, mind, body, soul, and art. Whatever I’m made up of, it was all his.

“Trust me, his actual dick isn’t nearly as big as his attitude.”

Given our memories shape all facets of who we are…seeing a man who looks like my dad but doesn’t act like my dad is a brand of psychological torture I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

“Don’t let your insecurities overpower that which makes your soul come alive. Otherwise, you’ll walk this earth never feeling whole…and that’s no way to live.”

Goose bumps graze her soft flesh as I kneel. I’ve never worshiped anything before, but this right here? I’d build a goddamn shrine for this. I’ve always been an ass guy, and Lennon by far has the best one I’ve ever seen.

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you put your giant dick in my ass. I do not want a rectal prolapse.”

“Damn. Did it hurt when Phoenix ripped your balls off and handed them to his girl?”

“No one is perfect, Lennon. But what you think are flaws aren’t to those who love you. So, be one of those people who love you, okay? Because I don’t want my friend thinking bad things about herself when she’s gorgeous inside and out.”

“You’re insane.” Funny because I’ve never felt saner. Lennon’s it for me. I knew it when I wrote that first letter and I know it even more now.

“Wait,” Lennon squeaks. “You want to do this now?” “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Lennon. The sooner it starts, the better.”

Music sets my soul on fire, but she makes my heart beat.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers as I lead her out of the kitchen. “I’m such a mess.” She is. But she’s my mess.