The Worst Best Man

by Mia Sosa

Strength is a state of mind, and I’m willing it into existence, dammit.

He’s that friend you always find your way back to, the one who knows all your secrets and doesn’t care that you’re flawed, the one who’s seen your “before” pictures because he’s in them.

But I want companionship, the security of knowing someone has my back, the ability to comfort and be comforted. Friendship. Vacations. Maybe even kids one day. Someone solid. Predictable. A person who doesn’t need passion and sparks to build a lasting relationship. I don’t know that I’ll ever find that individual—and that makes me extraordinarily sad.

“I’m going to be honest here and tell you I fucking hate that Andrew knows your secrets. He doesn’t deserve to.” Okay, then. I guess we’re talking about this whether I want to or not. “So, what? You think you do?” “I’d take better care of them,” he says softly.

“this is the last thing, but it’s an important one. I wish you would see the potential in us. I know it’s hard to see me with new eyes, especially given our history, but there’s something here. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s strong enough that I don’t want to shut the door on it. It’s a big ask, I know. And it’s complicated. There are probably a dozen reasons why we shouldn’t even try. And maybe you can’t see yourself being with me. But I want you to know that if there’s any chance for us, I’ll take it.”

“So thank you for letting me be more than just anyone.” Is it possible for your heart to expand in your chest? I don’t know enough about anatomy to say for sure. But it feels like my heart’s making room for Max to come inside even though I don’t want him there. Well, heart, we certainly can’t have any of that. Obviously we both need to be reminded why we’re here.

There’s room for different kinds of greatness. Even if you cry doing it. Hell, especially if you cry doing it.”

“I just wish I were as strong as you are,” I tell my mother. “Look at what you’ve accomplished.” My mother shakes my arm. “And look at what you’ve accomplished. You own a business, filha. That takes skills and a lot of strength. Yes, you faced a few bumps along the way, but that’s life. Don’t ever think you need to be exactly like me. We’re not the same person. I’m not perfect or superhuman. I just did what I had to do at the time. Now it’s your turn. And you’re much stronger than you realize.”

“I’ll be honest: You’ve always scared me. By putting my trust in you and in our relationship, I’m exposing myself to the kind of hurt that I won’t recover from easily. But I think you’ve earned that place, and I’m ready to take that leap. Because you’ve challenged me to think about the shield around my heart and who deserves to get past it. I’m certain that you’re my safe space. That I can be exactly who I am with you, and you won’t judge me for it. You’ll actually love me for it. And I want to be that safe space for you, too. When you’ve had a terrible day or something’s gone wrong, I want you to think of me and my arms as your place of comfort. Because I love you, Max, and I want to be with you, too.”