Catalyst (Heart of the Inferno, #1)

by Nicole Fanning

“I can promise you don’t want Britta,” Ethan says, rolling his eyes. “Miss Tyler is just out of your league. Something you haven’t experienced before.” “Out of my league?” I scoff at him. “Please.” “I said what I said. You should count yourself lucky she even gave you the time of day, especially after what she did for you and how you treated her.”

Natalie, I promise you, I am not a better man. Because I want to do a million sinful things to you.

It was like some surreal combination of having a relaxed dinner with a friend…while also wanting to bend her over and fuck her six ways from Sunday on every surface on the ship.

Me 12:39 p.m.: I’m simply happy you are finally admitting last night was a date. Natalie 12:40 p.m.: I cannot tell if you are the most interesting man I have ever met, or the most frustrating. Me 12:41 p.m.: I’ll settle for both. And fine, I will give you a hint. Your hint: “We will travel the world, without leaving the city.” Natalie 12:42 p.m.: That’s not a hint… that’s a riddle. Me 12:43 p.m.: Then a riddle is what you get.

“But dammit, maybe I think that somewhere in this chaotic, violent and dangerous life we live, you deserve to have a life worth living too,” he says quietly. “Something more than just this half existence you’re so used to.”

“Look, my boy,” he says, his tone softer. “I do know what it’s like to worry constantly, fearing the day the wolves might come to tear your life apart.”

“But what I have learned is there’s no avoiding worry, and there’s no stopping fear. No matter how much you plan and protect, the wolves are always in your shadow, and the fear will never truly leave. It’s the curse of anyone who has lived through real tragedy like we have. Tragedy can always happen, and you cannot defeat the fear of losing something or someone you care about.” “But, if I cannot defeat the fear?” I ask, barely above a whisper. “What am I to do?” “You live.” “What?” I gasp, stunned. “You will never eradicate fear from your life through force, so you have to learn to live with it,” Ethan says with a sigh. “And the only way to do that is to build a life outside of the dark work we do. Something that’s good, that allows you a safe place to rest and recuperate. Something that makes all the bullshit we have to weed through everyday worth it.”

“The only parallel to the darkness we deal in, is a light bright enough to guide you home, no matter how lost you may feel,” Ethan says, holding my gaze. “I’m talking about a real family that you can come home to.” “But what good am I to that family if I can’t protect them?” Ethan smiles at me. “Strength that is derived from fear or anger can never be as powerful as strength derived from having something to actually live for. Something worth fighting for. Something good and precious like that will make a man do things he could never imagine possible. It makes him strong. It makes him brave. And I know that you, Jaxon, will always be brave enough to protect your family. You will always have the strength to fight for what truly matters.” Ethan’s eyes hold mine with intensity.

“My dear, pleasure doesn’t always have to be an even exchange, it’s not a currency. It’s a gift you share. And sometimes it’s enough to just make someone else feel good.”

Few moments in my life were such that I knew instantly they would stick with me forever: The day my daughter was born. The moment my father died. And the first dance I shared with Natalie Tyler.

“I have already told you, I am not a good man, Natalie,” he growls. “I am a hard man, and I live in a hard world… and I like to fuck hard.”

“Here,” I say, handing the bottle to Josiah. “Since we can’t get you to a hospital, this is the only other anesthetic we have. I’m going to have to fish that bullet out… and I promise that is not going to feel good. So, I recommend taking a big healthy drink.” “Roger that.” He takes a few huge gulps out of the bottle. “More,” I say, pushing him. “Ma’am, I—” “I know it probably doesn’t taste great,” I say, shaking my head. “But the less you feel—the easier this will be.” “Oh, it’s not that, Ma’am,” Josiah chuckles. “It tastes great. But that’s probably because you grabbed the expensive scotch.” “Oh…oops.” He tries to hand it back to me. “No, no, you have to drink more. I’m sure Mr. Pace can afford another bottle,” I say with a slight smile. “And if he has a problem, he can take it up with me.”

And suddenly I have to stop myself from telling Natalie everything. About how she had been a light at the end of a tunnel for me, and how I would’ve gone through hell and back just to have her kiss me one more time. Okay. That’s a bit much. Perhaps I should cool it with the confessions of affection for the time being. After all, I don’t really want to scare her off yet. …Or make her start yelling at me again.

But over and over again, she’s had the opportunity to leave, and legitimate reasons to do so. Yet chose to stay. For me. She is more woman than I could’ve dreamed of. She rescued my daughter. She saved my men. She cared for me and chose to take a chance on me, above everything familiar and easy. All of these things were the reason I decided to bring her here, to my home. No matter how terrified I was of my impending vulnerability, if she was willing to take a risk to be with me, then I am willing to tear down whatever walls it takes to keep her in my life for as long as I have her.

“Baby girl, I know full well I don’t deserve you. But, if you let me, I will worship you.”

“I’ve never needed anyone,” he whispers, his cock throbbing against my clothed pussy, and his mouth instantly returning to his relentless pleasuring of my nipples. “But I need you, Natalie.”

“Jesus Christ…” he whispers, visibly faltering. “You are so fucking wet.” He steadies himself against the shower wall behind me, as I moan against him, feeling him gently caress me, and gasp out loud as he slips a finger inside me. “Yes, you… did… this…” I whisper breathlessly, as my body convulses in pleasure. “Oh, sweetheart,” he growls heavily against my neck, sucking on my earlobe. “I am just getting started.” He brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks them, his eyes burrowing into mine. “You taste fucking incredible.”

“You are so beautiful,” he says softly. Then all at once, he buries his face in my pussy. “Oh my God!!” I cry out, grabbing the back of his hair. His tongue circling my clit, he continues his relentless rhythmic torture with his fingers inside me. The sensations wrack my body, thoroughly catching me off guard and making me cry out again. “Fuck me!” I moan, lost in pleasure. He smiles up at me, still moving his fingers inside me. “Oh yes, baby, trust me, I am going to fuck you senseless,” He places his thumb on my clit and my body responds, giving him complete control of my body. “But first, I want to taste your cum.” Oh, my God! “And this time there will be no fucking interruptions,” he growls, pulling my legs towards him.

I must kiss him. Now. I sit up quickly, landing a passionate kiss against his lips, pushing my tongue into his mouth, still feeling the blissful waves of pleasure. When I pull back, pressing my forehead to his, the devilish grin on his face has only intensified. “You see how good you taste?” He whispers. “That’s why I couldn’t get enough.”

“Wait… this was an option the whole time?!” I say incredulously. “As in, we could’ve done this before you dug that bullet fragment from my arm?!” “Technicality,” she winks at me. I laugh, a big hearty laugh, and Natalie does too. Unable to resist her beauty any longer I seize this opportunity to pull her down on top of me again, kissing her deeply and staring into her mossy green eyes. “You,” I say, gently placing my hands on the outside of her thighs. “You,” she whispers. She leans forward and kisses me, still chuckling against my lips.

“And, please know, I never would have initiated sex, without protection, if I knew there was any risk to you. I respect you too much to ever do something like that to you.” She smiles, leaning in to kiss me again, lingering this time on my lips. “I know,” she whispers against my lips. “You’ve only ever protected me, and been honest with me, no matter how hard it was. So, in that moment, I guess that I just decided that I trust you too.” Her words stun me to my core. There is no way for her to know, nor could I ever hope to explain, the emotions this simple sentence makes me feel. Natalie trusts me. Somehow I, Jaxon Pace, the asshole, the gangster, the combatant, have earned the trust of the most incredible woman I have ever met. And this woman, who is so far above me in more ways than I could ever count, has taken a leap of faith…on me. Natalie actually trusts me.

We had sex for nearly seven hours straight last night, each time better than the last. At least, it had been for me. But perhaps it hadn’t been for her? Had I done something wrong? Was she upset with me? But still, what the fuck?

“Well, your first mistake is assuming that it was ever about reading the book in the first place,” I hear her say softly. “Instead, it is about losing yourself in another world altogether.”

“The truth is your body will age and fail, but your imagination will stay young forever. Books are just sustenance for the soul.”

“You mean… after I leave?” she asks as soft as a whisper, as she lowers her gaze to the floor. I nod, unable to speak. “Well, if we think about this rationally, one could make the argument that this week has been incredibly intense, and perhaps we have just been swept up in its current,” she says, unable to meet my gaze. “Agreed,” I choke out. “And we live over a thousand miles apart.” “We do.” “And we both admittedly have a significant amount of baggage when it comes to trust.” “Surely.” “But…” she whispers, tightening her hold on me and unknowingly pulling me back from the brink of destruction with those mesmerizing eyes of hers and just one word. “…for you, Jaxon, I would be willing to try.” This moment is incomparable. Relief floods my body like a dam has broken. I can finally breathe again. Time seems to have slowed, and the last five years of my life pass behind my eyes. I swore I would never let these walls down for a woman. I swore it was something I didn’t need. I swore that it could only ever be a distraction. I swore that it could not be good for Jessica. I swore that I could never give a part of me away. But I lied. Because right here in this moment, every self-protective oath I have ever sworn to myself shatters into a thousand pieces on the floor. And I could not be happier. I do not deserve this woman, but by some inexplicable divine intervention she has come into my life. She is the undeniable catalyst that has changed so much around me in such a short amou...

“I am yours, Natalie Tyler,” I say tenderly.

“At some point, I think you are going to have to get used to a little ‘unnecessary’, Miss Tyler,” he says with a smirk. “I’m not going to have my girlfriend always flying coach on commercial airlines.” He gently kisses my forehead. Girlfriend. Holy crap!