Out of Love
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Read between March 26 - April 1, 2022
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“Remember me?” I laugh. “Why? Am I going somewhere?” “I hope not,” he says, and I feel a flutter in my chest, like a flock of birds taking flight.
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And so the winter passes with little regard for us. It lashes at our windows and freezes our fingertips and toes each time they venture outside the covers, where we remain, nestled in one another, making love and promises in the dark.
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There’s a text message from an unknown number. I hope it’s him. “I had the strangest dream last night,” it reads. “There was an angel in my bed.” I smile as I type my reply: “How odd . . . There’s an angel in my bed too!” Within seconds, three little dots appear at the bottom of my screen, before materializing into words. “Ask her if she’s seen my coat.” I giggle at this, nuzzling my face into the collar of the coat, which still smells like him. “You can have it back in return for some potatoes.” “Funny you should say that,” he replies. “I was just about to make some mash.”
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was doing my very best impression of a sober person ordering a drink,
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have never played poker. “Are you all right?” asked Theo. “Hmm?” “It’s just, you haven’t blinked in a while,” he said, concerned. “Oh?”
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wondered, in that moment, if all men were pulled aside in school and taught this shit. I imagined a drill sergeant shouting at a row of terrified young boys, urging them to never admit defeat, never take no for an answer, and never, ever, walk away without first convincing the target that you weren’t even interested in the first place. “MAKE THAT BITCH FEEL CRAZY!” “SIR, YES, SIR!”
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The kiss was deep but delicate, and when it reached a natural conclusion, we pulled apart slightly and regarded one another’s face at a distance only lovers know.
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looked out across Dublin City, a blank page of snow, and I found myself thinking of him. Without really meaning to, I began imagining a life with Theo in it; the places we might go, the adventures we might share, the kisses and the laughter and the countless cups of tea. I pictured the couple we might someday become. And in my mind, in that moment at least, they lived happily ever after.
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