Coddiwomple

by S.E. Harmon

The world is big and I want to have a good look at it before it gets dark. -John Muir

God, he was so fucking cute. If he wanted the words, I’d give him the words. “You want to get out of here?” “You and me?” “It’s not like we haven’t done it before.” His mouth curved. “Nice pitch, JJ.” “I’m just sayin’.” “What are you just saying?” His brow furrowed. “You know this would be a bad idea.” Bad idea? He was the king of understatement right now. The two of us hooking up was beyond a bad idea. It was the heavy-weight champion of bad ideas. It was a bad idea meeting a shitty idea and having a horrible baby. I wanted to do it anyway.

“Well?” he prodded. “What about some lunch? Am I allowed to eat, warden?” “You’re allowed to eat, Prisoner 666. I’m just going over your list of approved foods in my mind. If I remember correctly, you need something low-fat, low-sodium, and low-sugar. Nothing spicy, either. And no citrus because of one of one of your new meds.” I blew out a breath. “So…air. You like air?” He snorted. “I put a steak in the fridge to defrost before I went in.” “Yeah, that goes on the no-fly list for now,” I said, shooting him a sidelong look. “And please stop making it sound like you just checked yourself into the hospital for a quick tune-up.” “Might as well have.” “Really?” It was my turn to snort. “Because the way Cam tells it, you fell in the grocery store, right down the deodorant aisle.” “Which is why I still need sundries,” he bellowed, “like I told you.” “Calm down, calm down,” I huffed. “Jesus, you’ll get your pressure up.” Whose bright idea was this anyway? I was many things, but patient and nurturing didn’t even crack the top hundred list of my best traits. “Do you think you could drive a little faster?” He shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable. “You’d think you were driving Miss Daisy.” Refresh my drink, in the movie, did they drive Miss Daisy off a cliff or no?

“Because love is supposed to be scary. You’re supposed to be scared of finding it. Keeping it. Losing it.” His fingers tightened on my laptop at the last one. I didn’t blame him. That one was the worst. “If you’re not scared, you’re not invested enough. Not with your future or your happiness. And definitely not your heart.”

“Because you never shy away from a challenge. You’re a Sutton through and through. Do you remember that shoot you did in Tanzania? How you fought off that Caiman who got ahold of your camera bag?” A startled laugh burst out of me. Crafty reptile. The irony hadn’t escaped me—I’d traveled halfway around the world to get eaten by the uglier cousin of something in my own backyard. “Wait.” My brow furrowed. “How do you know about that?” “I follow it all,” he said promptly. “I have it all in a binder.” I blinked at him in surprise. “You started another journal?” He nodded. “You know, I didn’t know how well the name Journey would fit you until you grew up. You’re happiest with the dust of the world on your feet.” “I think I’d give it all up for Cam.” “You shouldn’t have to. Settling down doesn’t mean boring, JJ. It just means you know where home is when you’re done seeing the world.” He raised a meaningful eyebrow. “You don’t have to change everything about your life. Just show him that you know how to come back.” I planned to do exactly that. “Thanks.” “Don’t mention it.” He smiled. “You know, you remind me so much of myself at that age. Just better. I loved you since the first time I saw you.” Before I could get too misty, he admitted, “Second time, actually. You weren’t the most attractive baby in the world.” “Thank you. You’re warming the corners of my cold little heart.”

“Dad,” I said hesitantly. He paused at the stairs, giving me an expectant look. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to go on your journey.” It took him a few seconds to gather himself enough to answer. “Oh, I did.” He blinked rapidly. I knew better than to mention his slightly watery eyes. “And it was better than I ever imagined it could be.” Now my eyes weren’t exactly dry. “Fuck,” he exclaimed. “Didn’t I tell you that was enough emotion? I ought to take you out by the woodshed.” “You’ve been threatening us with that for years and I haven’t seen it happen.” “How do you know?” he demanded. “You’re not even my oldest child. You used to have a brother named Phil. I took him out by the woodshed and well….” I chuckled, feeling bad for poor, dead, imaginary Phil. “Goodnight, Dad.”

“I thought about that a long time. That maybe you were right. I was looking for something, and I didn’t even realize it. That’s coddiwomple in a nutshell, isn’t it?” He laughed a little self-consciously. “Traveling without a specific destination. Looking and searching for something that you can’t quite put your finger on.” “And now?” He kissed me softly on the nose and looked me in my eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted. “Found you.”

“I told you I know enough Spanish to get us by.” I shook my head with a little smile. He always claimed he knew enough of a language to get us by, but when someone sends you to the banco when you’re looking for the baño, well, you don’t need to learn that lesson twice. Luckily there had been a baño in the banco, and I’d avoided an accidento.