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“On the contrary, I think we’re the most honest when we’re young,” she replied brusquely. “It’s later in life we get good at lying to ourselves.”
“Happiness is fleeting, fickle, often based on our circumstances.” Aunt Gert waved a hand dismissively. “If you chase happiness, you will more often than not end up disappointed by the very nature of life. Life is hard, brutal at times, and often unfair. But following your bliss, that’s entirely different. It means facing your present reality with honesty and courage and, in the midst of it all, continuing to pursue each spark of joy, even if it is a tiny pinpoint in the darkness of your life.
Move toward the light in life; seek it out no matter what. This is the essence of what it means to follow your bliss. You must be honest. Pay attention. Seek joy.”
As the great Saint Augustine once said, ‘Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature.’ He was right. Miracle, magic, whatever you want to call these.”
So maybe that was the reality, that we sacrifice no matter what path we choose.
“When we make a choice, we necessarily limit all the other choices. Every path narrows our options, every decision closes many other doors. Yet we make a choice hoping we’re trading all the other options for the one that will be the best.”
The wise Saint Augustine says that we must be emptied of that which fills us that we may be filled with those things which we are lacking. I’m paraphrasing of course. But the point is, what is your heart longing for? What is lacking in your life? Focus on those things. And remember, whatever you do, keep following your bliss. Be honest. Pay attention. Seek joy. That is the key to unlocking your destiny.”
“If I’m honest, I feel like it wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. My life wasn’t supposed to be the way it is.” Mom blew out a breath. “Life often ends up different than we expect.” I thought of the little wooden box on her side table. “What do I do now?” “My best advice?” Mom squinted at me appraisingly. “Let it fall apart,” she said simply.
You can’t keep holding on to the vision of the future you imagined you’d have, the way you thought things would turn out. You have to let the present be what it is—broken, flawed, painful, but real.”
“Honey, it sounds like whatever you’re holding on to is probably already broken,” she said kindly, “and you’re just holding the pieces together and praying for some glue.”
“Life doesn’t work that way. If you cling so tight to something that’s already broken, to a life and dream that can never come true, you don’t have space in your life for anything else, for the good and real plan Bs.” She looked me in the eye and said firmly, “Sometimes, Lolly, you just have to let go.”
“Life will give you plenty of lemons, Lolly,” she said at last. “You know that as well as I do. I used to say when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. I even had that sign up in the diner. Now I think you should take life’s lemons and do whatever you want with them, whatever brings you joy. Maybe you make lemonade if that’s your style. But maybe you get some gin and make yourself a strong double gin fizz. Choose what brings you life, my girl, and it will all come right in the end. Trust me on that.”
“To quote the Little Flower, dear Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, ‘Only God can see what is in the bottom of our hearts; we are half-blind.’
“You know, my mom loved lemons,” I said thoughtfully. “She believed they have special powers. She always told me that lemons clarify things; they symbolize happiness and hope.
Aunt Gert took a sip of the tea, considering. Her tone softened. “You must follow your bliss, even in this, Lolly. Things feel dark, it’s true, but there will always be a spark of light. Follow that. It will show you where you need to go.”
“Some things aren’t meant to be mended,” she said finally, gently. “Sometimes it’s in the breaking that the light can finally shine through.”
“Lolly, I love you and Dad so much. I’m not trying to abandon you. I’ll help as much as I can before I go. It’s not for two months. But I can’t live someone else’s dream anymore. You’re sinking, this place is sinking, and I can’t sink with you. I have to let go. It’s time. You should let go too.”
