You, Again

by Kate Goldbeck

Her vocabulary is also operating at a first-grade level.

Nows definitely not the time to bring up first graders

“I don’t want to see you with a fucking wife and kid someday.”

Even blind people can see more clearly than this woman

“I will buy you whatever fucking grapes you want. The kombucha.” He pauses. “The stroller. All of it.”

Oml i love this man

Fuck. All. Of. This. She can have her wish.

I really hate Ari

Occasionally, it feels like Ari is placing a rug over a gaping hole in the floor. But sometimes you can only address one crisis at a time.

Ok ill give her that

She types the caption, “Enjoying the nation’s #1 erect phallus,”

Anddd im annoyed again

“I dunno, Ari, at least I get the occasional spiraling text from him. Talking to you lately is like having a conversation with a brick wall.

I hate that i agree with her

“I just wanted to tell my best friend that I’m excited. I wanted to tell you all the mundane details that no one else would care about.

Damn i really hate that i agree with her

Of course she’s a Harper. Of course she’s wearing a little black dress under her coat that shows off curves that Ari doesn’t quite have.

I hate how awful Ari gets when shes jealous

“I deserve more than that. Even if it’s not with you.”

Hell yeah Josh good for you

It only takes a few more seconds for her brain to turn a corner into emotional torture porn.

Can we please not mention porn every other page

sparkly rainbow tights

Ew

What kind of pretentious snob shows up to a giant fun run and puts in their earbuds before the race even starts? My pretentious snob.

<3

“And committed relationships are a distraction that keeps women dependent on men for validation,”

Girl what the hell