Scanlines

by Todd Keisling

There is a reality somewhere where we all succumb to complete internal annihilation, and nothing in this world scares me more.

warning. This book is not going to make you feel good about yourself, or about the world. It is as dark as they come.

For the friends I had when I was young, and the ones I lost along the way.

I wanted to look away, but if given a moment to go back and change things, I think I’d still watch.

The whole incident just felt wrong, you know? Sort of like the stillness before a storm. You can see the clouds brewing and feel the wind blowing, but you’ve no clue how bad that rain and lightning will be. Not until it’s crashing over your head.

we were at the height of our social immaturity, and hormones have no loyalty.

There are no new starts for me. Wish I could rewind this horror film, but that ain’t happening. All I can do is hit Play and keep the tape rolling.

We—I—grew up in a time when none of that mattered because tomorrow was a million years away. Even now, as my peers are back home living with their parents, unable to afford what society promised them twenty years ago, we’re all still living day to day. Living in the moment. We have no time for superstition because, hey, I need to meet my hourly quota for the day, week, month so I can pay my bills and continue surviving.

Now that I think about it, that was probably our last night as teenagers. Everything that came after catapulted us into the stark reality of adulthood, that grim wasteland of accountability and repercussions. We weren’t ready for it, even if we thought we were. Shit, is anyone?

Danny’s words cut me to the bone. Only the best of friends can do that to each other. It’s the fine line we walk between love and hate, and while those wounds will heal, they do leave scars. Some of them are quite deep.

Suicide is suicide, whether it happens in an instant or over a long stretch of time.

Benjamin Hardy is less a ghost than he is the force of depression. He’s the grim face you see projected on everyone else, that same face you see in the mirror every day, the one that tells you there’s no point, you aren’t worth it, you don’t deserve it, and why not end it already? He’s the liar in your head, and you’re the suit he wears.