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things that we do not control and things we do control.
Do we actually control these things? Yes, we can influence them. But, even if we do everything right, the economy can still collapse, our money can be taken from us, and our intimate partners can cheat on us or die.
Among them are the opinions we form, the decisions we make, or, simply put, our actions. What happens around us is not up to us. The position we take towards the outside world is up to us. Epictetus emphasizes that our focus should lie on the things within our control, while maintaining a contempt for the things not in our control.
Staying calm during adversity, and letting go of the results, may come across as indifferent. However, this tranquility helps us to act in agreement with reason, instead of being overwhelmed by emotion.
Will we let emotions take over? Will we view them as sensations that come and go like the waves of the ocean? Or will we see them as indicators that help us to identify what’s going on?
In Stoicism, nature is what it’s all about. Marcus Aurelius repeatedly states that life is best lived in accordance with nature or “as nature requires”. In this context, nature refers to the greater whole, our role in it as human beings, and our inborn nature.
memento mori (remembering death),
‘view from above’
Modern Stoics have a simple but very effective trick to ease this anxiety: amor fati.
Control freaks simply cannot handle insecurity. They are stuck in the dreadful absurdity of trying to figure out what cannot be figured out, and with repetitive attempts they keep trying nonetheless.
Amor fati doesn’t mean that we should sit in an armchair all day letting life pass by. It means that we make the best of every moment as far as fate allows it. It means that we work towards our goals, give them our all, but, when the results turn out to be different than expected, fully embrace and accept our fate.
“Sickness is a hindrance to the body, but not to your ability to choose, unless that is your choice,” Epictetus once uttered.
This Stoic form of meditation is a useful preventive measure that makes it easier for us to buttress ourselves against insults and the people who blurt them
“He struck you; well then, do you fall back: if you strike him in turn you will give him both an opportunity and an excuse for striking you again; you will not be able to withdraw yourself from the struggle when you please.”
The world isn’t perfect, and we’re not entitled to a perfect life, no matter if the media tells you otherwise. Many things in life, especially people, will act in ways that are not in your best interests. What people throw in your direction is not up to you.
Stoics, the ultimate happiness is eudaimonia. This Greek word can be translated into ‘a state of flourishing’ which also entails a sense of inner peace and tranquility.
Virtue can be subdivided into wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation (which are the cardinal virtues).
The Stoics further distinguish ‘preferred indifferents’ and ‘dispreferred indifferents.’
Epictetus points out that you’re not entitled to the things you wish for, but only to the things that are naturally given to you.
never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”
It’s nothing more than a few bodily movements and some pixels on a screen that give us a temporary rush of pleasure.
The more we value things beyond our control, the less control we have.
“When another blames you or hates you, or when men say anything injurious about you, approach their poor souls, penetrate within, and see what kind of men they are. You will discover that there is no reason to be concerned that these men have this or that opinion about you.”
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die: it’s a waste of time.
That’s why we can give this type of love away freely, and don’t need anything in return; so the quality of it doesn’t depend on what outside forces are up to.
When we’re lustful, we crave the body of another human being. And when this body, for some reason, isn’t available, we suffer. Epictetus described
Such a stance is congruent with Stoic ethics, which upholds living a virtuous life above everything else.
We can see this happening in some affectionless marriages in which people share a roof while perpetually seeking pleasure outside the house. Musonius called this an “existence worse than loneliness.”
Also, humans don’t always do what we want them to do. If your wife cheats or your husband falls in love with a colleague, then this is also to be expected.
we suffer from a breakup because we believe that we need the other person to be happy, we erroneously think that our happiness depends on something external.
The latter is important as it’s embracing the reality (amor fati), and simply enduring the detachment phase, which can be a slow process that can take months or even years.
the illusion of permanence and the belief that external things will make us happy.
Instead, as with anything in our lives, we borrow our bodies and they shall be returned when the time is ripe.
This means that it’s nice to have such people in our lives and they might support us in living virtuously but, according to Stoic ethics, they’re not a requirement to be happy.
On the other hand, when it’s an internal quality that makes us envious like the virtuous actions of another person or their inner peace and happiness, it might be a positive thing.
Both scenarios are great starting points to look at envy from a Stoic point of view, as we can use them as metaphors for dealing with envy in everyday life.
The problem is, however, that many envious people seek to destroy what causes their envy instead
Again, some people are gifted with great intelligence, others are mentally disabled. Whether or not we’re all part of a divine plan, the acute sense of unfairness angered Cain so much, that he decided to act out.
And, even though the ancient Stoics didn’t encourage the pursuit of material wealth, it’s even possible to use envy as fuel to make achievements in material things as well.
In my opinion, it shows much more character if we try and seek the root of our emotional reactions within ourselves, instead of immediately finger-pointing at the outside world. Our inner faculty is our responsibility, and what other people think is none of our business.
“Well done, my son! Now, I want you to look closely at the fence. It’s full of holes, which means that it has been changed forever. When you let anger out, it will leave scars. You can stick a knife in someone and pull it out, but no matter how often you apologize, the scar will be there forever.”
When we deal with our fellow humans, we’ll undoubtedly be confronted with people that are selfish, irrational, overly emotional, mean, violent, greedy, hostile, and intolerant.
It’s up to us how we act. And to act despite the actions of others is all we can do.
“Death is a release from and an end of all pains: beyond it, our sufferings cannot extend: it restores us to the peaceful rest in which we lay before we were born. If anyone pities the dead, he ought also to pity those who have not been born.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Of Consolation: To Marcia, 19
When we expose ourselves to the media all day, we become deluded because we start to believe that there’s nothing else going on in the world besides disaster.
We don’t want food; we want expensive tasty food. We don’t want clothing; we want designer clothing. We don’t want just a roof over our heads; we want a large house with many bedrooms and a garden with a swimming pool.
Thinking about the future impedes us from taking action,
Only what we can change, right now, is what counts. So, instead of staring at a long, endless road of obstacles, we’re better off compartmentalizing what needs to be done and then focusing on the task at hand.
“Don’t be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations,
But in the long run, ongoing guilt doesn’t serve any purpose except in fulfilling the wishes of those that want to see us suffer.
