I Need You To Hate Me

by Genicious

I can’t help but question the purpose of everything.

The meaning of our existence or why I’m here at exactly this interval. The universe is endless, truly limitless, and even time is an illusion—in reality, it doesn’t even exist. I’ve read somewhere that clocks run faster at mountain peaks than they do at sea level. So, essentially time is not constant, it’s merely a deception assumed by our inaccurate observation.

What’s the point of living? Is it a way to pass time that doesn’t even exist? And maybe, inherently, nothing matte...

Why autobiographies? All of his books are some kind of autobiography. I could never quite get into one myself. I stick to fiction. The next morning, I find his reply stuck to my door. Everyone who writes them finds the good out of every seemingly dire situation—an interesting way of perceiving things.

“It shows that despite their best efforts to forget each other, and despite each other’s flaws and failures, they’re still willing to give it another chance. People can’t be modified by ignorance or renunciation,”

He gazes at me like I’m the stars when all I’ve ever felt before was the darkness that encircles them. He makes me feel insanely sane for the first time in my life. “It already has, Ace.”

and the moonlight pours over his skin.

I never understood how people could be addicted to drugs. I’ve never even sampled them. My dad would have lost it, you know, him being the sheriff and all that. But at this moment, I’m an addict who can’t get enough. All the hurt in my mind, all the frustration and anger subside. Every thought in my head is exploding into a dark craving. I’m addicted to the way Ace makes me feel. Of course, don’t get me wrong, I’ve kissed a handful of guys before, but no one has ever made me feel like this. Not even close. I wonder if it’s because we’re surrounded by the stillness of everything around us, the stars, the moon, the lake—the tranquility of time.

He’s wrong. And I do like him. I like him a lot, but I’m not stupid, and I’m not a game. My lips brush his cheek before whispering, “Stay the fuck away from me.”

I’m endeavoring to escape.

everything being a coincidence is a terrifying one. The belief that everything happens for a reason makes the terrible things in our lives a part of something greater.

“Not everything is defined by fate, and fate is almost always cruel and unfair.” What did fate do to him?

perhaps it’s the way he portrays himself that hides who he truly is. He puts on a hard exterior, and it’s not until some of his walls collapse that I can see he’s not really that asshole which he makes everyone believe he is.

but Ace makes me overlook my fears, and I probably wouldn’t have remembered if we didn’t break down in the middle of the freaking air.

“Especially not with words. If you read the same thing over and over, you’ll still interpret it differently each time. There will be something that resonates with you that day, whether it’s based on your mood or something that you’re seeking to find.” The pad of his thumb brushes my cheekbone.

Sleep. Such a simple thing, really—you close your eyes, and you disappear into your most vulnerable state. Some people have dreams, others have nightmares, but the best kind of sleep is filled with nothingness.

“It’s a waste of time and energy to analyze the past. To try put pieces back together, to justify what could have happened, when in reality, there’s nothing you can do to turn back the clock,” he

“Living in the past only fucks up the present,”

Would you like it if I told you that us being here was written in the stars?” he asks. “Hmm, yes. I would like to believe in something.” “You and me, we’re written in the stars, love.” He takes my hand and kisses it. I hope he can’t sense my breathing quicken, but I’m certain after everything, he already knows what he does to me.

“The monsters that live in your mind really do exist. They just have the face of a human,”

I watch her lost in her vision, a million miles from here. There’s hope in the stillness of her face, in the depth of her soul, behind the tiny freckles that are scattered like glitter around her nose. And in her presence, the ambiance embraces me and tugs me towards my own ambitions—making them clearer and more defined.

“Do you think a parallel universe exists?” Ace asks me. I lay my head on his chest, and his arms around me are like everything I thought I could never have. I’m addicted to the way they make me feel—the way he makes me feel. He takes my hand and brings it above us, intertwining our fingers together. “I believe there has to be something…life outside of Earth itself. Look at the sky and all the stars and tell me we’re the only ones here. It’s impossible,” I say, looking up, watching everything above us.

Look up and tell me you don’t feel a greater sense of power, like nothing else matters. Like everything that we’ve been taught to believe in doesn’t exist when you’re looking at the never-ending constellations. Your pain and everything you feel turns into numbness, and you begin to question everything,” he explains.

The stars will burn in flames.

THEY SAY TIME heals all wounds, but how much time is enough to heal the countless ones of mine? Or am I a lost cause, with time being an irrelevant factor? Perhaps I have to face the fact that not everyone will get a Band-Aid or a cure for their lesions. And even if they do, a scar will always remain. A reminder in the form of a twisted memory of what you once faced, embedded into your soul.

Nothing can stay the same. We’re all part of a changing power that twists and turns us in unconceivable ways until we experience it for ourselves. There may be harsh and eccentric lessons to learn, but they are all a reminder that nothing stays the same—not even when you want it to. Every so often, that can be something to look forward to, and other times, it’s something we shy away from. Nevertheless, take everything as it comes, for it’s a gift to be able to move through time and experience what the universe offers you—no matter how forbidding it may seem.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I open my eyes and let myself skim the words that will be entrenched in my mind for the rest of eternity. Maybe we’ll meet again in another life. When the stars align.