If she allowed herself a more familiar gesture—an embrace, for example—she was afraid she might blurt out the truth and say, “I destroyed the record of your affection in the hopes that it would purge what you said from my memory, but it did not, and no matter how I try, I can’t extinguish this stubborn feeling I have no right to feel. I know I must trade love for duty, but I’m afraid that will only work if I do not hold you like this or let your voice warm my ear.”
