Conversations on Love

by Natasha Lunn

‘means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre: “I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.”’ When I looked up the original Jane Eyre line I found the one that precedes Rich’s quote: ‘I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me to do so.’

Marisa, by contrast, didn’t just see me clearly but brought out all the colours.

So if I feel depressed, rather than disappearing, I’ll say, ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment so I might go quiet for a bit.’ The action is the same, but I’m communicating it. That’s an important distinction.

Romance is about finding ways to show someone they are appreciated.

you shouldn’t have to work at convincing someone to love you. Either they do or they don’t. The loving and being-loved part should be easy.

Isn’t that an unhelpful fact of life, that insecurity can trick us into craving sex with someone who cares for us so little?

A lot of people think all you need to do to find a romantic relationship is to find a partner and, actually, the first step isn’t that – it’s to understand what you need and want. I

the envy you project on to others is a sign of what you want but can’t get for yourself. It is a signpost to your longing, rather than literal envy for the other. It’s showing you what you want.

On the surface you might crave status, or the right type of car, when really what you are afraid to want is to be valued for being you. And

pay attention to the moments in which you feel irritated, because hidden in your anger are often clues to the deeper story.

‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.’

‘Everything you’re sure is right can be wrong in another place.’