At the time, it felt like she was clearing away a mess in order to reveal a more perfect self. This idea persists, even if she doesn’t vomit anymore, since it reminds her so viscerally of childhood. She still believes in reaching an essential part of herself through discipline: If she does everything right, she’ll find her way to some mystical nugget…a form in which her beauty is self-evident, her destiny clear, her neuroses shriveled and fallen away.
