Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection

by Ximena Vengoechea

The next time you’re faced with a difficult conversation where values are on the line, try the following: Affirm, affirm, affirm. Show your conversation partner that you are listening and are interested in what they have to say, even if you don’t agree with it. Encourage them to say more in a way that feels authentic to you, whether nonverbally (maintaining eye contact, nodding), verbally (OK, go on), or both. If you are known to heavily sigh, roll your eyes, or shut down at opinions that don’t align with yours, do your best to curb those habits. You can support your conversation partner and affirm their existence, even if your perspectives differ. Explain without convincing. When it comes time for you to share your perspective, do so humbly and without an agenda—the goal is not to convince others that you are right. Try not to get too bogged down in specifics that can be hard for others to connect to, but share instead what informs your perspective. For example, do you support sustainable efforts because you grew up in the countryside and have fond memories of being in nature with your parents? Talk about that instead of diving into the minutiae of the Paris Climate Agreement. Remember, it’s not about you. Part of what can make taboo topics like politics and religion so divisive is that they hit against our belief systems. To encounter an opposing point of view can sometimes feel like a rejection of our entire being. Remind yourself—before, during, and after the conversat...