Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection

by Ximena Vengoechea

GIVE A HEADLINE SUMMARY Playing back what we have heard may sound easy enough in theory, but how do we know exactly what to highlight in the moment? Aim for a headline summary or bullet point recap—the TL;DR or executive summary version of what you’ve heard. Keep things short and sweet (e.g., a sentence) to make it easier for your conversation partner to quickly weigh in on whether you’ve gotten it right. Think like a beginner and use simple terms everyone can understand as you summarize to ensure terminology doesn’t obscure the crux of the issue. For example, instead of saying, “So, your manager is putting too much work on your plate, and you’re doing a lot of projects at once this month,” play it back, like, “It sounds like you’re struggling to balance your workload.” Or, rather than say, “Your roommate is emotionally needy and getting on your nerves, your sister won’t stop calling, and your boss is a nightmare who turns to you for key projects but never gives credit where credit is due,” give a high-level recap and say, “It seems like you are in high demand—and under a lot of stress.”