Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection

by Ximena Vengoechea

If a stalling or bolstering phrase crosses your path, take note. Depending on the relationship, your approach may vary. When trust exists between you and your conversation partner, you may want to encourage your conversation partner to be more forthcoming. Try the following phrases: I’m sensing some [hesitation, avoidance, uncertainty, etc.]. Be honest with me about how you are feeling. It seems like we are dancing around this topic. How do you really feel about it? It feels as if there may be more to be said on this one. Tell me about your current thinking. I sense you may be holding back. What’s really on your mind? For less intimate relationships, this type of encouragement can sound invasive, or even accusatory. Instead, you can gently give your conversation partner the space to find their words. Here, offering a warm smile and a bit of patience can help them share more on their own terms. We can all empathize with feeling rushed, nervous, confused, or protective about what we want to say next.