Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection

by Ximena Vengoechea

Incorporate new information. If we cling to existing knowledge—of our conversation partner’s feelings, intentions, mood, or point of view—without making way for new understanding, we may be perceived as stubborn, out of touch, inflexible, or even ignorant. Give others a chance to surprise and inform your thinking in conversation. Make the necessary space to receive new information: show your conversation partner you are listening through nonverbals like eye contact and nodding, and by expressing affirmations (Yes, go on.). Pay attention to your conversation partner’s behavior—verbal and nonverbal—and incorporate these cues as you determine your response. Reassess as you go. Given the information you’re taking in, is your current “script” still the right one, or is a pivot appropriate? Gut check whether your next set of questions or even responses remain relevant given what you have learned already. Keep questions and ideas on hand to further the conversation, but be open to exploration, too. Look for cues that you are heading in the right direction. As you loosen your script, continue to monitor your conversation partner’s response. Are they receptive, or do they seem to be lost, distracted, or even frustrated? This, too, should inform your approach, and where the conversation goes next.