For Lucy

by Jewel E. Ann

Cody, you poor bastard. I’m going to steal your girl.

There’s nothing more magical than your mere existence bringing complete joy to another human. And there’s nothing more soul crushing than that same existence inflicting an eternity of pain.

“I’ve never stolen anything in my life, but I’d steal you if I could, and that’s the truth. So now I’m just a thief, not a liar.”

Life was hard enough. Why couldn’t something so nostalgic as love and attraction be easy? Did it have to be a game with winners and losers?

“I wanted you to know that you matter. And that sex wasn’t the goal … wasn’t my endgame with you.”

But he can’t love her like I do, and that sucks for him. And that sucks for her. She might make it her life’s mission to hate me, but she’ll fail because the only thing she hates is her love for me.

It wouldn’t be fair to someone else. There’s no way I could love another woman the way I love her. My love for her is not contingent on her love for me. It’s not even contingent on us being married. Saying “I do” didn’t make me love her more, it just gave her my last name.

No matter how hard we try to be perfect, we are not. No matter how hard we try to do the right thing, the wrong thing manages to trip us up. No matter how undeserving one might feel of forgiveness, no one is unworthy of it.

“And your heart…” Lucy’s tone shifts into one that’s more serious “…is almost too big for your chest. It’s almost too big for this world. And nobody knows that better than I do.”

I know what it’s like for me to lose a child. I know what it’s like for me to have a child who can’t walk. But I don’t know what it’s like for you or anyone else. There’s not a road map for this. There’s not a one-size-fits-all timeline for dealing with grief. If I could take away the guilt you’re feeling, I would.”

I love you with my whole fucking heart. I love you with my entire body. I love you emotionally, physically … passionately.”

“No. You loved me, Tatum. But I love you now. I loved you then. I will love you always. I love you in ways you can’t even imagine. And maybe that’s the problem; you can’t imagine why there would still be love between us. So you’re right. Josh is the answer. He is the anti-me. But that fucking sucks for you because you deserve the guy who would steal you. You deserve the guy who’s smart enough to see that if the woman he loves kissed another man the way you kissed me today, she doesn’t really belong to him.”

Don’t apologize unless you mean it, unless it’s something you would take back. Otherwise, you’re just being insincere.”

“My love for you has never wavered. Not for a second. And I wasn’t going to stop you from marrying Josh because I love you. Because I care more about your happiness than my own. I know I promised to love our children more, but my love for you has always been so tightly interwoven with my love for them that loving them more just simply means loving you more.”