I expanded my gender preferences on apps but struggled to gain momentum—every time I messaged a woman, I panicked and frantically switched back to guys. I felt comfortable dating men—they were my regular commute, my status quo. Flirting with other genders took effort, and so dealing with my queerness became just another item on my perpetual to-do list, sandwiched between other things I’d never accomplish: meditate, dust, fix printer, come out, pay that one bill that won’t let you do it online.
