Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much

by Jen Winston

I have nothing to say and I am saying it and that is poetry as I need it. —JOHN CAGE

When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. —BOJACK HORSEMAN Season 2 Episode 10

But in your heart, you can’t deny that bisexuality has never felt queer enough. It’s never felt queer enough to talk about. It’s never felt queer enough to take up space. It’s never felt queer enough to lead you to community, or to show you who you are.

The books lure you in and you can’t help but touch them—you stroke their spines, fingering the embossed names of dead white men. Your date gawks at the scene, as if you, him, and his literature collection make up his dream ménage à trois.

NOW THAT THAT’S out of the way, I’d like to thank you for buying this book! Algorithms have clearly determined you’re a bisexual, a social justice warrior, or a slut (if you’re lucky, all three)!

The reason people think bi women are “just experimenting” and bi men are “actually gay” is because patriarchy has manipulated us into thinking that everyone must be attracted to men.

so if you’re wondering whether you should be reading something by a Black, Latinx, Asian, trans, fat, and/or disabled author right now, the answer is yes.

If we’re saying, ‘No, we’re not confused; no, we’re not promiscuous; no, we’re not greedy,’ then we accept that it’s wrong to be confused, it’s wrong to be greedy, it’s wrong to be promiscuous. And I want to ask, why do we have to work by their rules?

Bi culture is everything. Which means bi culture is nothing. As annoying as this logic loop might be, it reflects exactly what it’s like to be bisexual: to be told simultaneously that you are asking for too much and that you don’t exist.

But the watered-down genre’s success does tell us something about human nature: We’re all seeking information about how to act, how to be, or how we already are. It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong. It doesn’t matter if it could apply to anyone. If it speaks to us by name, just like that: We feel seen.

As long as ableism, fatphobia, transphobia, and white supremacy (et al) remained in place, none of us could feel comfortable in our own skin.